Uncut... till now!

Ok ...First of all get your mind out the gutter from the title.

I just got back from the Dr. and my surgery is 7:30 am on Wednesday January 19th. I have to be at the Hospital at 5:30 am. Myrna and Ronnie (parents) will bring me to and from surgery. I will recover for a few days at their house in Metairie (gag). Hopefully it will just be a few days there. The surgeon has already informed me the standard recovery time is 2 weeks. WHAT???

Yes that's right 2 WEEKS!

I am actually pretty nervous about this. I have never been "put under" for a surgery. I have had surgeries in the past, but have always been awake. Somebody pass the Valium and Vodka!

I will also have to endure the constant presence of my parents. I know they mean well, but so many times, as parents normally do, drive me totally nuts! The house has no computer, and no cable.
HELLOOOOOO lets get with the program Mom and Dad!

I will not be able to speak for a number of days (NOT A WORD TIMOTHY!) I wont be able to IM or watch a day full of "While You Were Out or "Trading Spaces" hosted by my former dressing room mate Evan.) So I hope to spend just a few days there and get dropped off back in the Warehouse District so I can relax in my own space. I will recover into the Mardi Gras season, and that totally sucks, BUT at least it is before the 2nd weekend, which is the biggest part of the holiday.

Oh well, it's for my own good.

Bring on the Ice Cream...Chocolate preferably!

and that's the way it is...

As I promised myself...

I will keep up this blog better.

I have been told its nice to see such a therapeutic outlet for me, and it totally has been. I read other bloggers posts, and have gotten to learn a lot about many different people, either that I know, or have wanted to know.

So with that said... mid-day update time...

My microwave blew up last night...ok ok exaggeration, but close to it. Blinking lights Sparks Smoke Char flying out... Close to a blow up! So...I went home for lunch and there is a note from the bldg. They are ordering a new microwave unit with fan and underlighting. Have I mentioned yet how much I love my new place?

I am probably going to venture out again tonight. If I have surgery this week for my tounsils, I will be out of commision a good while. So, Ill do my socializing while I can. I have no BF to take care of me, so it's gonna be a lonely recovery

Oh well... LOL... Im not really bummed out actually. I truly am in a good mood. Just sorta boppin along.

And the beat goes on...

Well it's been a tough week. I have been very ill. I visited the doctor and was informed that my tounsils will have to be removed. I am truly not looking forward to that.

This Saturday, I had to teach class. We reviewed the story of "The King and I" by videotape and we discussed character development and technical features of the show. My kids love the show and are happy to be performing one of the production numbers for the review this year.

After class, I rested at my parents house due to the filming of the Dukes of hazard movie. I can assure you it's a total mindbog to wake up after being heavily medicated, look out your window and see the "General Lee" fly past your face. YEEEHAAWWWW! I returned to my place later in the evening and watched some TV and retired for the night.

Sunday, I was able to pull down all my Christmas decorations and get them all stored away. I pulled out all my Mardi Gras decorations (which is too many now because of the move) and got that situated. By Midafternoon I was feeling really good. I had accomplished a lot and was happy with my success. I did not want to be inside anymore as I had been all weekend. I decided to head out to the Pub for a low key non-beverage night. I sat at Lil Johns bar and got juice all evening. Watched videos, chatted a bit, got a napkin directly in the eye (PAIN!!! Thx John) and 1 or 2 loops around the place and returned home.

Uneventful, YES! but as the title explains... the beat goes on!

And that's the way it was...

Time to reflect... and move on

2004 was not the greatest year for me as I said before.

It started amazingly. NY Eve into 2004 on the rooftop of The Ritz Carlton Hotel, and minutes before midnight I meet a great looking sweet guy. As I got to know him more, I wanted him to really be a part of my life.

We spent a lot of time together and things were great.

I was able to travel overseas for the first time, and watch my sister get married to a wonderful guy in London. What an amazing experience, and I hope to return there again.

My return to the states, and aforemetioned NY eve guy was still going nicely until Mardi Gras time when I realized I was led on and there was truly no way that we could be together... not even as friends. It was the start of a very big depression for me. ( I know this sounds like nothing, but it was part of a culmination of events, that just went bad).

I stayed home... did not socialize... stared at a computer screen for nights on end and chatted online. I did not want to be around anyone.

I did a few things I am not proud of, and most of this was out of self hate and depression. I found myself searching for answers, becoming very bitter and hateful, but at least I knew the truth about things. I got hurt quite a bit by dishonesty, and it prayed on me. It truly was my lowest point in my life.

I had decided I was going to leave New Orleans. Go anywhere but here. I started my apartment search, called my real estate agent, and started a series of interviews in NYC, none of which worked out.

In the meanwhile, I was asked to become involved in a new carnival parade orginazation, and I dove myself head first into that project. It will eventually happen and I think will be a great opportunity for many people here in the city.

I still had not gone out nor wanted to be around "the community"

I was at such a low point I posted the following post on to the "friendster" bulletin board, and I can tell you it was not easy.




To My "FRIENDS"

After much concideration and deliberation, I have come to the conclusion that I can no longer stay in New Orleans. I have recently been too hurt, lied to and utterly disrepected, that I no longer feel I should be in this city. It is a treatment that I don't expect or deserve.

It pains me at times to be "out" and see particular people, and know the deciept which lies within. I guess maybe I am too honest of a person, and that seems to haunt me. I accept what people tell me, and support them for what it is worth. For those of you who are my friends, and have treated me with that repspect, you are in my thoughts and prayers as I decide how to proceed with the next phase of my life. I had hoped at one point to settle here, and make something of this. I do have a wonderful job, a modest home, and many projects which I have started, and for that I am thankful. I do not know where I will be going, nor when. I feel it is something I need to do very soon.

I am considering going back to NYC, where I can be close to my sister and her new husband. Possibly, Houston/Dallas/Austin (I originally moved back to New Orleans to be near my family, in case of any emergency.) So those 3 are an option. I have even considered LA...and crazy enough London (Which I had the pleasure of experiencing in January). Either way, I hope that I can keep the true friendships that I have, and we will not lose touch.

If you are in any of those loactions, and can offer any help, or advise, it would be greatly appreciated. If I have friends there, it would be a pleasure to re-connect with old friends, and create new ones.

For those of you who know me well, this type of mail is certainly not typical of me to express. It is far beyond what people see of me as the "happy go lucky guy who makes everyone laugh." Unfortuantely... Once you have been kicked to the ground... and while you are down, you keep getting kicked , sometimes you just dont want to get up and I dont want to...at least not in New Orleans.

Anyway, I guess I want to make sure that those of you who I do consider friends...***who would be listed on my friends page*** (those of you who are not have been deleted)... I want you to know why I seem so distant, and why I might just disappear. Just remember we are under the same sky and the same stars, and if you look up we see the same future.


With Love
~Patrick

That post made it halfway around the world, and I got a call from my sister scared to death that I might do something stupid. I assured her I wouldn't and I'd be ok.

A few months later my "guardian angel" Timothy, flew in from Seattle to get me out my house and back into society. He was worried about me and wanted to see me. We went out that weekend and I even went to my first foam party. (IN MY BOXER BREIFS ) I might add. It was funny to get some attention. I didn't feel deserving.

I did venture out every now and then during the rest of the year, but not like I had before. I was ok with it, yet I knew I truly had to get out and socialize. I met a few people and got the same run around as before.

My roomate Rob moved out and Newbie Jacob moved in for about a month.

Then in October I had my fun (see Halloween) and tribulation ( See window drama)

The rest you can read in detail in prior posts.

So what now????

Well...

I am going to make 2005 a better year.

I feel that you reap what you sew.

I let many things get to me in the past 2 years. I guess because I find out the truths in things. But, I will not let anyone else's shortcomings or dishonesty affect me as it has in the past. I was "sewing" hate and pain and dishonesty, even though that was not the energy I was putting forth. I let those characteristics plant themselves and all I did was reap those benefits, which we all know lead nowhere.

I have to give myself more credit. I have never been one to look at myself and think wow NICE.

EVER!

But that is changing...

Im Hot and a Damn Good catch. I have good face and a good body and if no one wants to get to know me and/or be around me that is their loss. Someone will!

And i will not hold on to those feelings of anger and pain when I see some people. I will just kindly excuse myself and cut myself away from a bad situtaion. I have no need for that negativity.

This is my year, and I will make it what I want it to be. I am in a new place physically and emotionally.

Cheers to 2005!

This time around...

Listening to Linda Eder....

That title above says it all.

Well, first off I must apologize for not updating in over a month... CAN YOU BELIEVE? A MONTH!

I have pretty much settled in my new place, and things are going well. I am very happy there. I think even more than I thought I would be. It is a beautiful place, and the location is SWEET!

I had an offer on the house that I accepted, but the purchaser failed in her loan attempts, so it’s back on the market. This really sucks, because I was so thrilled for it all to be over so soon. It's tough paying a house note and rent. I have enough money stored for another month, but I'll need to start looking for a second job in the meanwhile, to cover expenses. So, if anyone knows of a good part-time job after about 5:30 weekdays, I'd be greatly appreciative.


Well...After Thanksgiving, I got the rest of my furnishings moved in and started to throw out and unload. I gave a majority of my un-needed stuff to my sister and her husband. I figured they could use it in NYC.

As my parents prepared for Sis & Hubby's visit (a.k.a. Kerry & Faan.) and me trying to get settled as well, we were given the news that my brother Kevin is moving out of my parent’s house, moving to NYC and in with Kerry & Faan. It should be interesting to see how that pans out. Nonetheless, I am sure the donations from my house will now come in handy.

Work has been very hectic, and I have been super busy. We lost one person, so I had to pick up all the slack. I can tell you it has been tough during the holidays to keep up. So many people out of the office, yet the work does not slow down. There were a few days it was just me there, and I was ready to pull my hair out. I have to say that I handled it well under pressure, and accomplished what was needed. I did receive a nice bonus this year and was promised a nice raise. So things are looking better at the office.

Kerry and Faan arrived on December 19th and hit the ground running. Kerry has not been home in over a year, and this was Faan's first time in New Orleans. It was good to see them both.

The holidays were spent with family and friends, and for the first time in over a decade, our entire family was together. Parents/Siblings/Aunts/Uncles/Cousins... It was truly a joy.

To top it all off, as most of us here know already, it snowed on Christmas Day. We got our White Christmas on such an important occasion for our family. It is a day I will not soon forget. I reminded my Aunt, the last time it snowed like that, she was at our house just a few days before Christmas, and she and my cousin were stuck at our house. It became 1 big sleep over and we cut up while locked inside during the snow. It was just days before my very first trip to NYC. I was so excited to get there and go to a real Broadway show and see snow for the first time, although NOLA beat me to that, that year. Looking back, it's funny to know that since then, I have moved to NYC and back, my sister lives there with her new husband and now my brother is going to take a stab at the Big Apple. Knowing what we know now, huh?

I hosted a New Years Eve party, and enjoyed a "quarterless" evening. I had promised myself that this year will be different. I was NOT going to be in the THRONGS of drunkards in the French Quarter and be stuck tightly between people I hardly knew, all trying to get their tongue down someone’s throat for the sake of a New Years kiss. Instead I rang in the New Year with friends and champagne on my fabulous rooftop, and enjoyed a wonderful display of fireworks. After midnight we retreated downstairs where people said their goodbyes and went off 9into the night. I cleaned a bit and fell asleep in my cozy bed, curled up to my pillow. I was content. 2005 WILL BE different. (More to follow)...

January 1, 2005

Kerry Kevin & Faan decided to get moving early, so after New Years dinner at the parents house we all said our goodbyes (tear-filled parents) and they were on their way back to NYC in a moving truck with Kevin's belongings, and donations from my home.

It was a nice holiday. I must say I’m not sad to see 2004 leave us. It was not great by any means, but at least it was better than 2003 which I could not wait to be done.

Now on to better things for myself...