an update

an update...
Per usual in my life so many things going on, some which really prevented me from wanting to update.

I'll start with Keith.

Amazing...

We met and it was just the best thing in the world. He was so good to me. We had an instant attraction and such an understanding of each other and what we have both been through. It was a respect as I had never been able to achieve with anyone.He was always the one to treat me to dinner do small little things, and just treat me well for once in my life. I am always the one out there trying or picking up the bill. It was nice to have someone do that for me for a change.

In November, he was in a crash that sent him to the hospital. He has had back problems since he was younger due to an accident at 18 (I think). He tried to text me and call me but his phone was all whacked, and I finally got his 1st text at about 3am that night. His family drove from Franklinton (about 1.5 hours away) and brought him to the ER after he had gone home and was in total pain and couldn't move. They brought him back to Franklinton where he stayed for about 5 days. We missed each other a great deal, and he got a webcam just so we could see each other. He cried that night because he missed me so much. I felt so wanted.

We had made plans to drive to Houston on the Friday after his wreck, but I had figured that would fall through. He was determined that our weekend would not be ruined by this, and he vowed he would get back to New Orleans, and we would leave Friday (same day. Well, he was right he did come back that Friday and we did drive to Houston, holding hands the entire drive. It was so good to have him next to me. We had a wonderful weekend in Houston spending time with my friends who had been evacuated there.

The next few weeks we spent a lot of time with each other. I felt like things were so good, what more could I ask for?I had purchased tickets to go see a cabaret show at a local cabaret bar (I had helped write some of the lyrics for this show... a parody of sorts) Well I called him to get our plans together, and he never returned my calls. Odd... I was worried and didn't hear from him.I went alone that night to the show, sort of bummed and worried at the same time. I never did get an apology or explanation for his missing whereabouts, but we continued to see each other as if nothing had happened.

December 10th we went and bought my Christmas Tree, and got that up, and went to eat dinner. Things still great. I start buying Christmas stuff to spoil my baby.Things continued until 2 days before Christmas. I had not seen him in a few days and couldn't wait to see him again. I went over and we cuddled up all night. We both woke the next morning, and proceeded on to work.

That was the last I heard from him. No more calls...emails...texts...messages...NADA.It was a very lonely confused Christmas Eve, with a tree full of presents. Christmas day wasn't much better as I just went through the motions.December 26 is my Birthday... still no calls, nada. I saw a friend of his online and asked if he was ok , if something happened and he said "sure I saw him today."My heart just sank more. My birthday couldn't have been more terrible.

Then came New Years Eve... I dreaded this night. My friends were all forcing me to go with them, and I stayed away somewhat.I caved in and went to a party thrown by friends of theater people (older)... and went home. My friends were demanding that I don't stay home to come meet them in the quarter for a party. So, I went...It took me till 11:58 to get there as I walked up, everyone was happy, and with someone. THIS was what I didn't want that night. To watch everyone else like that. I hurt way too much. After-all, I have yet to be given an explanation to anything. I am lost and confused.

Well midnight came and I watched everyone celebrate around me, it took all I had not to just break down then and there. I somehow kept my composure, and headed with friends down towards the bars. I stayed another hour and walked home. By myself In the dark.It was such a cold moment in my life. The entire way home, I was mad at myself for going out. Also, just running through my head WHY WHY WHY

I am so confused.So there is the update on Keith, I have more to update...but this took a lot.

Maybe a little later today