Monday, March 28, 2005

No truer words spoken

Stolen from Mattie P.

The Rainbow Connection
Kermit The Frog

Why are there so many
Songs about rainbows
And what's on the other side
Rainbows are visions
But only illusions
And rainbows have nothing to hide
So we've been told and some choose to Believe it
I know they're wrong wait and see

Someday we'll find it
The Rainbow Connection
The lovers, the dreamers and me

Who said that every wish
Would be heard and answered
When wished on the morning star
Somebody thought of that
And someone believed it
And look what it's done so far
What's so amazing
That keeps us star gazing
What do we think we might see

Someday we'll find it
That Rainbow Connection
The lovers, the dreamers and me

all of us under its spell we know that it's probably magic.

Have you been half asleep
And have you heard voices
I've heard them calling my name
Is this the sweet sound
That calls the young sailors
The voice might be one and the same
I've heard it too many times to ignore it
it's something that I'm supposed to be

Someday we'll find it
The Rainbow Connection
The lovers, the dreamers and me

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Top of the mornin to ya...

Hehehehee.....I said "Top"

ANYWAY...

It's St. Patrick's Day...My name sake day, and I have no plans with anyone. I am going to
TURN IT OUT TONIGHT!

Tommorow is my act of sale on the house. YES, it got pushed up! I'm so happy about this. I took the day off so that I can go renew my license, and run errands to prep for the 6:00 closing.

Now going forward I will have no bills, except for the usual Rent/Insurance/Phone.Cable.Internet/Electricity/ and Cell Phone.

I am for the first time in my life financially free. I'll have a few thousand in the bank, and quite a few hundred left over monthly. I will no longer have to worry about "making ends meet"

I intend also to enjoy this freedom, I will start some travel soon. (Yes Timothy, I will come see you, WHEN IT'S WARMER so tell your regular husband).

OK SO! Now Im cute and have money! Working on the tan and the body!
Anyone want to apply now? LOL

Come out and celebrate with me tonight! I intend on truly just letting go tonight. I want to have fun and breathe a sigh of relief for the 5 months of double payments and stress...also of course to celebrate my namesake.

I'll close with 2 quotes by the same author

A man who loses his money gains, at the least, experience, and sometimes, something better.
G.B Shaw

Some men see things as they are and ask why. Others dream things that never were and ask why not.
G.B Shaw

...and that's the way it is

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

RSVP

Well I got a response...

Much of it was what I was expecting to hear, some of it clarified my wonderings...but I am just setting myself up. I dont know what to do.

Some excerpts:


I do have feelings for you. I still want to spend time with you. I still want to see you, but probably not at the level you are wanting right now.

I do not want you to be a rebound, and I do not want to hurt you more than I am hurting you right now. I care about you, adore you, and respect you way too much. So... it's up to you if you want to spend time together sometime.

I just feel pulled in many different directions right now and am sorting my life out. I am the happiest I've been in a long time, and I'm just happy to be single for a while. I need to find myself again before I can give myself to someone else 100%.


I totally repect what he is going through, as you read in a previous post. I still want to see him. But I am not getting that attention in return.

As you can see, I sort of have a hidden answer in that letter... "I'm just happy to be single for a while"

I figured I'd write that in bold to drive that point home to myself. So here I am, pouring what confused emotions I have here on this page.

I have certainly tried to expand my dating base, but I always seem to be the one in pursuit. I have met some great people recently, all who want to be friends. Now this is truley a nice thing, but you know what... (and this will sound awful) I have enough friends, I do not need to go look for more. I want that 1 special person.

I want to be chased damn it... It never happens :-(

somebody call me... lets hang out and talk about bois, and how they suck

and that's the way it is...

Monday, March 14, 2005

Random Weekend Quotes...

"Make Momma Stink"

"OMG That's huge... His name is Big Dick Rick?"

"Snip the Clit"

"Are you in town for the Ugly Convention?"

"I feel like chicken tonight..chicken tonight"

"33? What do you do, besides collect Social Security?"


and last but certainly not least...


"Why are you playing Hard to Get, when he doesn't even know you are playing?"

Friday, March 11, 2005

Mail to Male

Well I broke down and did what I said I wouldn't do...

I figured I'd share with all of you...

any advice?



This is a hard email for me to write. I have been avoiding it. I guess because I already know the out come of this.

I had hoped to hear from you, as I have left at least 2 messages that I can remember.

I know that you are going through a lot(Work/School/Ex/Friends/New Life), and I respect that. I hoped that you'd still continue an open dialouge about things going on with you. I want to be there for you, but cannot if I am not included. Yes, I have feelings for you, but I know you are not ready for anything just yet. My timing once again (although it seemed right) was bad, and I still don't seem to succeed in my pursuit. I don't know if you got scared because you had feelings for me, or maybe not. I don't know.

I guess maybe I look like an ass, or just rambling...but I am here typing away at random and have paused many times because I dont know what to say. I have layed in bed more than once in the past 2weeks wondering what to do, as I am not very good at this.

Maybe "sorry" is on order... Maybe it seemed I was pushing you, but I truly was not trying to.
I really worked on keeping my feelings to myself and not burden you with that.I guess someone will have the right timing with you, and have the wonderful opportunity to be your "other half" , and for that I must admit I am already jealous.

I figured I'd write so you know how I feel, and may be help you in what ever is going on, or what you are thinking.

You are an amazing person, and I just wish my timing was better.

As my email states... Best of Luck... I do hope you find your happiness.

With Deepest Sincerity,

Patrick

Thursday, March 10, 2005

OK Last time I take Preston's Advice!

Thanks a lot...
I feel greaaaatttt now :-(

StanZbornak
Stan, stan, stan. No one wants you
around, but you always seem to touch a heart or
two by the end of the day. BUT HEY! Don't get
too happy, I'm still pissed at
you!!!!


Which Golden Girl Are You?
brought to you by

Spare Time is Dangerous

I love me some Quizilla...
It passes the time...
Thought I'd share

HOT
You like the prince charming type.

What kind of guy are you most attracted to? (CUTE anime pics)
brought to you by can%20be%20somewhat%20of%20a%20showoff.%20yet,%20his%20looksare%20good.,%20but%20his%20personality%20is%20an%20iffy,%20lookinto%20him%20more%20b4%20you%20go%20out%20with%20him.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Back to the Drawing Board

Well you can figure it all out by the title...

No calls no nothing... I hate this :-(

Aint it the Truth!

What John Mayer Song Are You?




johnmayer4
You are "Love Song For No One"! You are
in desperate need of a hug. Love doesn't seem
to be happening for you, and you are beginning
to wonder if you let 'the one' pass you by
without even knowing it. Don't despair...if you
are meant to be together, you will be. The
world works in mysterious ways. Keep your chin
up. :)

What John Mayer Song Are You?
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Friday, March 04, 2005

Going Going GONE

YAY...
The house is under contract and the Act of Sale is scheduled for April 15, 2005.I got just under what I thought I'd get for it.

I Love a Huge wad of cash in my account. (hehehh I said "wad")

So look out people, I have no bills, no credit cards, a new BMW on the way, and lots of $ left over monthly in addition to the "wad" in my savings... (hehehe I said Wad again)

Momma gonna travel....

I hope it's with "hottie"

Keep your fingers crossed

XOXOXOX

That's the way it is...

I'm Holding out for a Hero...

Well for those that follow my blog, I will give an update as to what is going on in my personal life.

A few years ago I met this guy (online mind you) that I had an interest in. We chatted numerous times, and discussed meeting up to see where things could lead. We never made it to that point, because he usually met someone (in person) and wound up dating them (all LTR).

Well a year ago I finally got to meet him in person (and can I say CUTE!) but alas, he was with his BF. We chatted very briefly, and I never really saw him again, except for an occasional online chat.

Well, a few days before Mardi Gras, I ran into him at the bar. I said hello, and he smiled with his amazing smile, and I just melted. I had to stay and talk to him a few minutes. I figured it was my one chance to do this in person, as he was probably still with the BF.



COME TO FIND OUT, he was now single. The BF now referred to as EXBF going forward, had just walked out on him, no explanation...just left.

I mean WTF what an ass! I felt so bad for my guy (now referred to as Hottie henceforth).

I felt so bad for Hottie, he was crushed about his loss, yet very strong at the same time. He was moving on.

Now, I know what you are thinking... this is not a time for me to move in. I KNOW THIS. I did however look at it, as an opportunity to get to know him. I wanted to be there for him. Something inside me drew me to that conclusion. I wanted to be there for him, at least be a shoulder to lean on.

I made him promise me that he would email the next day, and that we would stay in better contact. Well that night he did e mail me just 2 hours later. We exchanged numbers, and decided that we would indeed liketo hang out, and stay in better contact. This certainly happened. He had to move out of the apartment he was in with the EXBF. So, I said I would come help, after I taught my Saturday morning class, I would be glad to help, and that I did. I met him there with his friend, and we got a lot of his belongings out of the place. He was down about it all, and I could tell. I offered to pay for lunch for all, I wanted him not to worry about anything. Now ok...it was Raising Canes...because it was close enough for us all to walk (and talk)... but it seemed appreciated. We just kept talking about so many things, and I was entranced by Hottie.

He has these gorgeous eyes, and this smile that is to die for, and for 1 time in my life, I felt as important as I felt he was. You guys know Im a huge dork, I cut up and laugh and joke, and he seemed to adore every minute. I felt appreciated. ( My heart races as I type that)

We spent most of that weekend together, and an amazing Valentines Day. The BEST I ever had. I cooked us dinner, and we relaxed and talked for the longest time. I explained I was trying to respect his situation, and that he wasn't ready to jump into anything, but we also BOTH admitted that we both have these strong feelings for each other. We have continued to see each other regularly, except for last weekend, when we made "semi-plans", but I didn't hear from him. I called numerous times, yet no response. I was greatly worried our "confessions" made him pull back a bit.

...BUT, I did get an email explaining he was sorry for being sketchy over the weekend, that he got in a funk, and needed time for himself, that I did nothing and it wasn't my fault... "I adore you" & "I miss you"

Phew!

He started his new job (on top of his classes at UNO... don't worry, he is 24) so he is UBER busy. We have attempted plans of seeing each other, but time has gotten in the way. I did finally see him this past Wednesday evening after he got off work. I was so glad to see him. I do however feel he may be pulling back a bit due to his decision to "not date so soon" despite his feelings for me. WHICH SUCKS!

I understand it, but it still sucks. I find someone I have talked with for YEARS... tried to see what would happen for YEARS...finally meet...and realize there probably is something there.. but I Can't do it because "this asshole I was just dating walked out on me and destroyed my life, so I made a decision not to date."

I'm trying to be a friend, because that is important, but knowing there is more is heartbreaking as well as trying. I care for him so much, and I find myself thinking of him so much. I know it's probably not the best thing for me, but I have valid feelings for Hottie, and I cannot ignore them. I am not the type of person who can wait around and be "the friend" when I have such strong feelings for someone. It kills me. I did it in the past and have been hurt badly. (They met someone and decided to break the rule) I only wind up getting hurt, and hating the person in the process. I do not want that. I have cleared all of that out of my life, nor do I want to be in the position that I could ever hate him. I adore him, and hope that he still does me and wants to move on... TOGETHER.

That's the way it is...

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

He loves me He loves me not...

Uhhhggg... I wish I knew what was going on....

I am all about him... but trying to be supportive and not pressure...

The waiting is difficult.



I'll explain later...

THAT'S the way it is...