MOVED

Just in case anyone missed this a while back....


I have been posting to LiveJournal.

Here is the link...

http://panolany.livejournal.com/

an update

an update...
Per usual in my life so many things going on, some which really prevented me from wanting to update.

I'll start with Keith.

Amazing...

We met and it was just the best thing in the world. He was so good to me. We had an instant attraction and such an understanding of each other and what we have both been through. It was a respect as I had never been able to achieve with anyone.He was always the one to treat me to dinner do small little things, and just treat me well for once in my life. I am always the one out there trying or picking up the bill. It was nice to have someone do that for me for a change.

In November, he was in a crash that sent him to the hospital. He has had back problems since he was younger due to an accident at 18 (I think). He tried to text me and call me but his phone was all whacked, and I finally got his 1st text at about 3am that night. His family drove from Franklinton (about 1.5 hours away) and brought him to the ER after he had gone home and was in total pain and couldn't move. They brought him back to Franklinton where he stayed for about 5 days. We missed each other a great deal, and he got a webcam just so we could see each other. He cried that night because he missed me so much. I felt so wanted.

We had made plans to drive to Houston on the Friday after his wreck, but I had figured that would fall through. He was determined that our weekend would not be ruined by this, and he vowed he would get back to New Orleans, and we would leave Friday (same day. Well, he was right he did come back that Friday and we did drive to Houston, holding hands the entire drive. It was so good to have him next to me. We had a wonderful weekend in Houston spending time with my friends who had been evacuated there.

The next few weeks we spent a lot of time with each other. I felt like things were so good, what more could I ask for?I had purchased tickets to go see a cabaret show at a local cabaret bar (I had helped write some of the lyrics for this show... a parody of sorts) Well I called him to get our plans together, and he never returned my calls. Odd... I was worried and didn't hear from him.I went alone that night to the show, sort of bummed and worried at the same time. I never did get an apology or explanation for his missing whereabouts, but we continued to see each other as if nothing had happened.

December 10th we went and bought my Christmas Tree, and got that up, and went to eat dinner. Things still great. I start buying Christmas stuff to spoil my baby.Things continued until 2 days before Christmas. I had not seen him in a few days and couldn't wait to see him again. I went over and we cuddled up all night. We both woke the next morning, and proceeded on to work.

That was the last I heard from him. No more calls...emails...texts...messages...NADA.It was a very lonely confused Christmas Eve, with a tree full of presents. Christmas day wasn't much better as I just went through the motions.December 26 is my Birthday... still no calls, nada. I saw a friend of his online and asked if he was ok , if something happened and he said "sure I saw him today."My heart just sank more. My birthday couldn't have been more terrible.

Then came New Years Eve... I dreaded this night. My friends were all forcing me to go with them, and I stayed away somewhat.I caved in and went to a party thrown by friends of theater people (older)... and went home. My friends were demanding that I don't stay home to come meet them in the quarter for a party. So, I went...It took me till 11:58 to get there as I walked up, everyone was happy, and with someone. THIS was what I didn't want that night. To watch everyone else like that. I hurt way too much. After-all, I have yet to be given an explanation to anything. I am lost and confused.

Well midnight came and I watched everyone celebrate around me, it took all I had not to just break down then and there. I somehow kept my composure, and headed with friends down towards the bars. I stayed another hour and walked home. By myself In the dark.It was such a cold moment in my life. The entire way home, I was mad at myself for going out. Also, just running through my head WHY WHY WHY

I am so confused.So there is the update on Keith, I have more to update...but this took a lot.

Maybe a little later today

WOW

Pictures tell the story

http://www.kodakgallery.com/Slideshow.jsp?Uc=n7vl128.10k36pe4&Uy=-lsttlk


Many of those pictures are taken within a block of my office as well as my apartment.

Uncle Patrick

Lola Rose Botha

Born 10.11.2005

6lbs 11 oz

19 1/4 inches


Mom Dad and Baby


Lola Rose


Uncle Patrick and Lola

Dog Days of Summer

Well here I am...

Sorry that it has been a while.

The show kept me really busy until the end of July.

First of all, thank you to everyone who supported the show, the response was unbelievable. Our meer 5 week run turned into 8 weeks! It was tiring yet exhilarating at the same time. I really appreciate those kind words and compliments from those who I have spoken to. It meant a lot to me, considering my own issues in originally doing the show. Your support is appreciated.

So let's see..updates...

I re-connected with someone I had a complete crush on. We had a great time together, and some great dates. He is someone I definitely want around. Now my dilemma, and tell me if I am being over judgmental about this....

We had a discussion about what was happening between us, and we had decided we were not "together" yet, he wants to spend more time and see where things lead. Now, this is fine by me, I respect that. He told me my outgoing personality is something he has to deal with, because he is sort of a quiet guy, and is not used to attention. I am the type of person (he says) that goes anywhere, and people are just drawn to, and are totally outgoing and comfortable with. ( ok personal comment...WTF!) yet again, I respect what he feels and am willing to make him feel more at ease about his concerns...Now my issue

A day or so later, I couldn't sleep, so got up and decided to pop on to my computer to chat till I got sleepy. As I got online I saw his screen name pop up. I clicked to say hi, and noticed that he suddenly had a little "bio-line" that stated...

Good looking...nice guy Uptown.. athletic... Say hi, you never know...any good Tops around, IM me :-)

WTF?

Now it is 2:00 am, and he has just signed on with that on his profile. YES, we are not a couple, and No, I don't have any "ties" to say what he does.

BUT I mean God Damn, I have never ever had that on my profile ever. and its 2:00 am. What am I supposed to think?

Well, I didn't say hi or anything, I just went to bed upset, leaving the computer logged on. Now, I didn't even get a hello or anything from him online, and I KNOW he saw me on.

Am I wrong to feel what I feel? I'm not saying he is doing anything, nor is it my business, but to be online with that on ones profile at 2:00 am, is just a bit sketchy for me. I guess it brings up a trust issue for me. I feel so confused and stupid :-(

He has text messaged me a few times to keep in touch, and I have responded, but we have not seen each other since. I guess I am trying to figure out what to do next. Now I was in NYC this past weekend, so in all fairness, I have not been avoiding him completely, although to a certain extent, I realize I have.

I mentioned what happened to my sister, and she said NO WAY, cut that shit off. Do NOT surround myself with people like that, I'll only get hurt. I know in so many ways she is correct, yet I feel I want to maintain a friendship in some way with him. I keep thinking though, I'll say something about maintaining a friendship, and in 2 weeks (just as my luck always goes) he will be in some fantastic relationship that will last ages. All of this because maybe I over reacted at a bio-line????

HELP ME ANYONE! What do I do? or is my gut feeling just the best?



Ok next... LOL don't laugh, cuz as most of you know, I never seem to have anyone after me.

2 more guys

1 in N Carolina
and
1 in Lafayette

Lafayette, I met 2 weeks ago. Nice guy, really cute. Calls me daily, keep in touch We get along great, and laugh a LOT. Owns his own salon in LAF. Pretty grounded.
BUT HE IS IN LAFAYETTE!

N Carolina, I met online. (save it!) UBER HOT, hottie (OMG HIS BODY), chat a lot, talk on cam, same story as LAF guy... and so sweet and loving. He is an EMT, and thinking about going to Tulane.
BUT HE IS IN N CAROLINA!

UHHHGGGGGG GRRRRRRRRRR

Both will be in town for decadence (which I usually avoid). Then if I run into him (read above) ... what do I do then?

When it rains it pours, doesn't it? I guess I know either can't work right now. The distance alone is the killer. I must admit though, being paid attention to has been refreshing.


(end of part 1)


and that's the way it is...

OK OK

Saw this on another site, and added here.


No comments from the peanut gallery about certain traits!

http://www.faceanalyzer.com/member.aspx?id=30734


BTW I am also using Live Journal now as well, I will post to both, and then decide which to keep.

and that's the way it is...

Unlocking me...

You unlock everything, because you are a skeleton
key. You are resourceful and can fit yourself
into any situation and find a way through. No
one can keep you out, but not everyone will
want you to come in.

What sort of key are you and what do you unlock?
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