Water, Water, Everywhere and not a Drop to Drink

MOVED

2006-08-29T09:34:00.000-07:00

Just in case anyone missed this a while back....

I have been posting to LiveJournal.

Here is the link...

http://panolany.livejournal.com/

an update

2006-01-04T10:34:00.000-08:00

an update...
Per usual in my life so many things going on, some which really prevented me from wanting to update.

I'll start with Keith.

Amazing...

We met and it was just the best thing in the world. He was so good to me. We had an instant attraction and such an understanding of each other and what we have both been through. It was a respect as I had never been able to achieve with anyone.He was always the one to treat me to dinner do small little things, and just treat me well for once in my life. I am always the one out there trying or picking up the bill. It was nice to have someone do that for me for a change.

In November, he was in a crash that sent him to the hospital. He has had back problems since he was younger due to an accident at 18 (I think). He tried to text me and call me but his phone was all whacked, and I finally got his 1st text at about 3am that night. His family drove from Franklinton (about 1.5 hours away) and brought him to the ER after he had gone home and was in total pain and couldn't move. They brought him back to Franklinton where he stayed for about 5 days. We missed each other a great deal, and he got a webcam just so we could see each other. He cried that night because he missed me so much. I felt so wanted.

We had made plans to drive to Houston on the Friday after his wreck, but I had figured that would fall through. He was determined that our weekend would not be ruined by this, and he vowed he would get back to New Orleans, and we would leave Friday (same day. Well, he was right he did come back that Friday and we did drive to Houston, holding hands the entire drive. It was so good to have him next to me. We had a wonderful weekend in Houston spending time with my friends who had been evacuated there.

The next few weeks we spent a lot of time with each other. I felt like things were so good, what more could I ask for?I had purchased tickets to go see a cabaret show at a local cabaret bar (I had helped write some of the lyrics for this show... a parody of sorts) Well I called him to get our plans together, and he never returned my calls. Odd... I was worried and didn't hear from him.I went alone that night to the show, sort of bummed and worried at the same time. I never did get an apology or explanation for his missing whereabouts, but we continued to see each other as if nothing had happened.

December 10th we went and bought my Christmas Tree, and got that up, and went to eat dinner. Things still great. I start buying Christmas stuff to spoil my baby.Things continued until 2 days before Christmas. I had not seen him in a few days and couldn't wait to see him again. I went over and we cuddled up all night. We both woke the next morning, and proceeded on to work.

That was the last I heard from him. No more calls...emails...texts...messages...NADA.It was a very lonely confused Christmas Eve, with a tree full of presents. Christmas day wasn't much better as I just went through the motions.December 26 is my Birthday... still no calls, nada. I saw a friend of his online and asked if he was ok , if something happened and he said "sure I saw him today."My heart just sank more. My birthday couldn't have been more terrible.

Then came New Years Eve... I dreaded this night. My friends were all forcing me to go with them, and I stayed away somewhat.I caved in and went to a party thrown by friends of theater people (older)... and went home. My friends were demanding that I don't stay home to come meet them in the quarter for a party. So, I went...It took me till 11:58 to get there as I walked up, everyone was happy, and with someone. THIS was what I didn't want that night. To watch everyone else like that. I hurt way too much. After-all, I have yet to be given an explanation to anything. I am lost and confused.

Well midnight came and I watched everyone celebrate around me, it took all I had not to just break down then and there. I somehow kept my composure, and headed with friends down towards the bars. I stayed another hour and walked home. By myself In the dark.It was such a cold moment in my life. The entire way home, I was mad at myself for going out. Also, just running through my head WHY WHY WHY

I am so confused.So there is the update on Keith, I have more to update...but this took a lot.

Maybe a little later today

WOW

2005-11-07T13:35:00.000-08:00

Pictures tell the story

http://www.kodakgallery.com/Slideshow.jsp?Uc=n7vl128.10k36pe4&Uy=-lsttlk

Many of those pictures are taken within a block of my office as well as my apartment.

Uncle Patrick

2005-10-13T22:13:00.000-07:00

Lola Rose Botha

Born 10.11.2005

6lbs 11 oz

19 1/4 inches

Mom Dad and Baby

Lola Rose

Uncle Patrick and Lola

Dog Days of Summer

2005-08-19T12:45:00.000-07:00

Well here I am...

Sorry that it has been a while.

The show kept me really busy until the end of July.

First of all, thank you to everyone who supported the show, the response was unbelievable. Our meer 5 week run turned into 8 weeks! It was tiring yet exhilarating at the same time. I really appreciate those kind words and compliments from those who I have spoken to. It meant a lot to me, considering my own issues in originally doing the show. Your support is appreciated.

So let's see..updates...

I re-connected with someone I had a complete crush on. We had a great time together, and some great dates. He is someone I definitely want around. Now my dilemma, and tell me if I am being over judgmental about this....

We had a discussion about what was happening between us, and we had decided we were not "together" yet, he wants to spend more time and see where things lead. Now, this is fine by me, I respect that. He told me my outgoing personality is something he has to deal with, because he is sort of a quiet guy, and is not used to attention. I am the type of person (he says) that goes anywhere, and people are just drawn to, and are totally outgoing and comfortable with. ( ok personal comment...WTF!) yet again, I respect what he feels and am willing to make him feel more at ease about his concerns...Now my issue

A day or so later, I couldn't sleep, so got up and decided to pop on to my computer to chat till I got sleepy. As I got online I saw his screen name pop up. I clicked to say hi, and noticed that he suddenly had a little "bio-line" that stated...

Good looking...nice guy Uptown.. athletic... Say hi, you never know...any good Tops around, IM me :-)

WTF?

Now it is 2:00 am, and he has just signed on with that on his profile. YES, we are not a couple, and No, I don't have any "ties" to say what he does.

BUT I mean God Damn, I have never ever had that on my profile ever. and its 2:00 am. What am I supposed to think?

Well, I didn't say hi or anything, I just went to bed upset, leaving the computer logged on. Now, I didn't even get a hello or anything from him online, and I KNOW he saw me on.

Am I wrong to feel what I feel? I'm not saying he is doing anything, nor is it my business, but to be online with that on ones profile at 2:00 am, is just a bit sketchy for me. I guess it brings up a trust issue for me. I feel so confused and stupid :-(

He has text messaged me a few times to keep in touch, and I have responded, but we have not seen each other since. I guess I am trying to figure out what to do next. Now I was in NYC this past weekend, so in all fairness, I have not been avoiding him completely, although to a certain extent, I realize I have.

I mentioned what happened to my sister, and she said NO WAY, cut that shit off. Do NOT surround myself with people like that, I'll only get hurt. I know in so many ways she is correct, yet I feel I want to maintain a friendship in some way with him. I keep thinking though, I'll say something about maintaining a friendship, and in 2 weeks (just as my luck always goes) he will be in some fantastic relationship that will last ages. All of this because maybe I over reacted at a bio-line????

HELP ME ANYONE! What do I do? or is my gut feeling just the best?

Ok next... LOL don't laugh, cuz as most of you know, I never seem to have anyone after me.

2 more guys

1 in N Carolina
and
1 in Lafayette

Lafayette, I met 2 weeks ago. Nice guy, really cute. Calls me daily, keep in touch We get along great, and laugh a LOT. Owns his own salon in LAF. Pretty grounded.
BUT HE IS IN LAFAYETTE!

N Carolina, I met online. (save it!) UBER HOT, hottie (OMG HIS BODY), chat a lot, talk on cam, same story as LAF guy... and so sweet and loving. He is an EMT, and thinking about going to Tulane.
BUT HE IS IN N CAROLINA!

UHHHGGGGGG GRRRRRRRRRR

Both will be in town for decadence (which I usually avoid). Then if I run into him (read above) ... what do I do then?

When it rains it pours, doesn't it? I guess I know either can't work right now. The distance alone is the killer. I must admit though, being paid attention to has been refreshing.

(end of part 1)

and that's the way it is...

OK OK

2005-07-12T09:15:00.000-07:00

Saw this on another site, and added here.

No comments from the peanut gallery about certain traits!

http://www.faceanalyzer.com/member.aspx?id=30734

BTW I am also using Live Journal now as well, I will post to both, and then decide which to keep.

and that's the way it is...

Unlocking me...

2005-07-05T10:43:00.000-07:00

You unlock everything, because you are a skeleton
key. You are resourceful and can fit yourself
into any situation and find a way through. No
one can keep you out, but not everyone will
want you to come in.

What sort of key are you and what do you unlock?
brought to you by

Before and After

2005-06-28T09:05:00.000-07:00

Well... In case you were wondering...

BEFORE:

AFTER:

1 word... CLEAVAGE

and that's the way it is...

Drag by blog

2005-06-16T09:52:00.000-07:00

This one has to be a quickie ...

Been very busy with the Studios Recital and the opening of Pageant.

Both went really well, and I am glad to FINALLY get a rest.

We start up Pageant again tonight for yet another weekend, and the review is due out tomorrow.

It really has been a blast, I like to play the bitter bitch in the end if I lose, it's just too GD funny.

Anyway... I promise I'll update soon. Maybe tomorrow when the review is out and maybe some before and after pics ;-)

That's the way it is....

Broken

2005-06-02T12:40:00.000-07:00

made like that...

AGREED!

2005-05-23T14:00:00.000-07:00

I have to say I agree with Lawrence .

I went to Napoleons Itch last night and thought I wound up at Marine Life in Biloxi!

and all worn with such attitude!

...that's the way it is!

No wonder... It's because I'm evil...

2005-05-17T08:30:00.000-07:00

Why didn't anyone tell me before this?

You scored as Anakin Skywalker.

Anakin Skywalker

64%

Padme Amidala

61%

R2-D2

56%

Mace Windu

53%

Darth Vader

53%

General Grievous

53%

Clone Trooper

50%

Yoda

50%

C-3PO

47%

Chewbacca

44%

Obi Wan Kenobi

31%

Emperor Palpatine

19%

Which Revenge of the Sith Character are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

In the eye of the beholder

2005-05-13T13:45:00.000-07:00

Stolen from a fellow blogger:

There's so much beauty in the world it hurts at times. There are people who are average-looking with stellar personalities that will always be passed up. You can sit down anywhere in a public place and see these people walk by, so unaware of how beautiful they really are. That's really what makes someone attractive - being unaware, that innocence of the power they possess within themselves. Then of course there are the stunningly gorgeous people whose looks will fade. The most beautiful aspects of a person aren't necessarily "first glance" impressions, they are ultimately the things you discover later down the road.

He also wrote:

Everyone I've ever had a crush on hasn't been the best looking of people... but there's something so intoxicating about them that it's irresistable. Be it a smile, a sense of humor, a calmness, a sense of style, or just being sweet... looks really aren't everything. There are those who try too hard to be attractive and come across as such. And then there are those who are adorable but don't believe it.

We need more like him!

...and that's the way it is

I'm a pretty Girl Mamma.... NOT

2005-05-11T13:40:00.000-07:00

Well...

We have started rehearsals for "Pageant" at the theatre. The rest cast is very good at this show, and I honestly feel sort of out of place.

The roles in which they are playing have a great deal of comedy to them. Mine is very straight forward, she is out to win the contest. She doesn't have the comedic facets the other roles have. I can honestly say I am laughing nightly at "Roy's antics" (Bianca... Ms Industrial North East) and Jesse's hysterical Ms West Coast (Dumb Blonde re-living past lives). They are doing an a amazing job, so true to the characters, like a real woman. This includes the other 4 actors in the show. All very good at what they do.

I have to say though, I feel left out. Most of them have been friends prior to this show and do things together socially. I don't feel close to the other cast members. There seems to be a clique of sorts, and I feel like I am peering in from the outside. Even when I converse with most of the others, I feel like I am looked at as an outsider...sort of out on my own, just as Ms. Texas is in the show.

Unfortunately, as many of you know, this is a time when I need that camaraderie, and friendship. It's been tough on me, because I am using this show as an escape from my troubles, yet I don't seem to be escaping anything.

This is a tough show, and to be quite honest, it has been painful. The shoes alone are going to kill me. I leave in great pain nightly. This on top of the lower back trouble this is giving me, has not left me with such a wonderful experience thus far.

Am I having trouble playing a female? Maybe so. I don't think I am pulling off the "feminine side" as well as the others. Maybe its the way the character is written. Maybe I am uncomfortable doing this. I don't know. I have seriously considered quitting a few times. Especially due to the fact I don't really feel like I belong. But I have promised myself to stick to it so far, so that's what I'll do.

It's funny, despite the fact I am surrounded by people, I still feel alone.

Have you ever felt like that?

I dunno...

I guess that's just the way it is...

Still trying to keep my head up...

2005-05-09T09:25:00.000-07:00

Could this be the answer?

Why do people fall in love?
Don't we know love is full of dangers?
Letting loose our foolish hearts
In this world full of perfect strangers
Maybe this time you will find
The moon will treat you kinder
Yes, I'm sure that I recall
That's the reason people fall...

Love is needing to belong
Right or wrong, when you feel the fire
Love is living in mid-air
young and rare, on a sky-high wire
Hoping this time it will last
You feel your heart beat faster
Yes, I'm sure that I recall
That's the reason people fall in love

Taking chances you would never take
When wide awake...you risk it all
Half afraid he'll only break your heart
Still you will close you eyes and simply fall

Why do people fall in love?
Are we fools with no hope of winning?
Or perhaps we always see
One last chance for a new beginning
Holding on and letting go
But never really knowing
Well, I guess that after all
That's the reason people fall in love

Adrift

2005-04-29T11:51:00.000-07:00

The title is sort of how I feel.

I know so many of my posts are not the most cheerful, and for those that do read this, or stopped reading due to its nature, I appologize.

I have really tried to stay upbeat and not let things get me down this year, and for the mostpart this has been the case.

I have a lot to be thankful for, I am in so many ways, the best i have been probably ever.

Problem is....
I am lonely. I am a very lonely person.

People have a distorted view of me. They always see the smile, the bouncy joking and such. If anyone would truly pay attention, you would notice, I am always by myself. Yes I drift from group to group, but esentially, I am alone.

No one calls me for parties or events. No one calls to see how I am doing (with the exception of maybe 1 person recently again).

I dont even know why I am writing this now

...and speaking of a baby

2005-04-27T09:20:00.000-07:00

Well it's official...

I am going to be Uncle Patrick!

My sister is now 14 weeks pregnant. It is the first grandchild. I am very happy for Kerry and Faan. I cannot wait to see them again.

It was just January of 2004 that we are all in London for the wedding, and now they have started their own family. How time flies!

Here are a few pics from their wedding in London... thought I'd reminisce ...

A Few pics of my new baby...

2005-04-27T09:08:00.000-07:00

VROOOOOOOOOMM

It takes a thief

2005-04-20T14:07:00.000-07:00

BLAHHHHHHHH

My debit card was stolen in the last 24 hours and the S.O.B. charged almost $400.00!

Im so upset :-(

PLUS....

The 1 person I have felt a major connection with, will not allow himself to speak to me anymore for his own personal issues. He wants me but won't allow himself to have me.

I must really suck. I think I am going out and drinking heavily tonight. I don't feel I am worth anything right now.

and that's the way it mailto:%$#@% IS!

Vrooooommmmmm

2005-04-19T11:20:00.000-07:00

Well I had to get a new car.

My car went in the shop, and my mechanic said now was the most opportune time to trade it in instead of pouring money into it.

So.... Friday I went out and bought a new one

My new baby??????

2004 VW Passat 1.8 Ltr Turbo White w/ chrome accents & Grey Leather interior... Fully Loaded!

I LOVE THIS CAR!

Pics to follow!

and that's the way it is...

Accurate?

2005-04-11T08:47:00.000-07:00

I'd love to hear feed-back.

I keep finding out what people really think of me, and/or who they think I am.
Some of the responses couldn't be farther from the truth.

I saw this quiz and decided to take it.

Do you think it's accurate?

(I'm doing a lot of soul searching people... I need the help and opinions)

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion		66%
Stability		26%
Orderliness		60%
Empathy		56%
Interdependence		50%
Intellectual		43%
Mystical		23%
Artistic		90%
Religious		43%
Hedonism		36%
Materialism		50%
Narcissism		30%
Adventurousness		30%
Work ethic		43%
Self absorbed		36%
Conflict seeking		23%
Need to dominate		30%

Romantic		70%
Avoidant		36%
Anti-authority		70%
Wealth		30%
Dependency		36%
Change averse		50%
Cautiousness		70%
Individuality		30%
Sexuality		63%
Peter pan complex		36%
Physical security		83%
Food indulgent		63%
Histrionic		43%
Paranoia		56%
Vanity		30%
Hypersensitivity		70%
Female cliche		30%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

FULL BATTLE DRAG...

2005-04-01T12:15:00.000-08:00

Get out your guns!

I have always said if you see me in a dress (drag) KILL ME!

Well...

A few years ago, Carl Walker produced "Pageant" at the CAC. It was one of the funniest shows I have ever seen. It even featured Roy Haylock a.k.a. Bianca Del Rio in what I think was his first drag performance. He WAS the last 20 minutes of the show, and let me tell you I cried because I laughed so hard.

The premise of Pageant is that The Glammouresse Make-up line has produced it's own beauty pageant, similar to small town pageants, and it is one girls start up to "fame and fortune"

("Each of these contestants are natural born women... with a lil something extra") LMAO ... Come on that's Funny!

The important point here ... is that the "girls" are played by actors (men) NOT drag queens. The guys are simply playing the part straight (pardon the pun). This is what makes the entire show funny. The girls are not "personalities" like a drag queen would be, they are women who's roles just happen to be played by men.

In reality, they are really not supposed to be "pretty". After all, this is a small time pageant.

There is 1 exception... Ms. Texas. She is very attractive, and has won every pageant she has ever been in. She is the epitome of class and stature.

WELL GUESS WHO I HAVE BEEN CAST AS AT LE PETIT THEATRE.

Yes you guessed it... Ms. Texas

Now I have never been in drag. Never had the want to be. I decided to audition for the show due to the fact I saw how funny it was, and I knew the director was looking for actors, not drag queens. I know he understands the fine line between playing it real (as a women) or camp (drag queen) and that he would ensure that it is done correctly.

The production team is the same as many of my previous productions (George M. / Forever Plaid/ 42nd Street so I know it will be a first rate production.

With that said, I was very concerned about doing this to begin with. There is a stigma about a persons masculinity about dressing as a woman. Now I can assure you, I will not be seen prancing about the Pub as a woman. That is NOT my intention. I am an actor, and I am simply portraying a role.

Originally, I felt as though it would hurt my possibility of dating someone. I can see how it could be a turn off, especially to guys who are truly not impressed with the typical gay scene, and I truly sympathize there. I personally would not want to date a drag queen. ( Note to all ... I am not making judgement by any means, and I have a few friends that do drag regularly, its just not what I want in a relationship)

Anyone reading my blog KNOWS that's not gonna happen, because someone would have to be after me, and that certainly is not the case.

So into dragville I go. It will be good to be back onstage again, I have not been on since Sept. of 2003 in Forever Plaid. It will keep me busy, and at the same time put a final demise I'm sure to getting any dates in the city of New Orleans. So that will be one less thing to worry about when it's over.

OH, and the script calls for me to win nightly...

GREAAATTTTT I win a crown but not a guy... Geez it took me to get in a sequined dress and pumps to win something!

With that all aside, I'm sure the show will be fun, and I can expand my acting abilities. This will not be an easy role by any means, I feel it's going to be quite tough ( High Heels, Make-up, Wig , Posture etc.) But Hopefully I can pull it off well enough, and be good at what I am doing. That's my hope, to pull it off and do it well.

Well, that's the way it is...

No truer words spoken

2005-03-28T11:00:00.000-08:00

Stolen from Mattie P.

The Rainbow Connection
Kermit The Frog

Why are there so many
Songs about rainbows
And what's on the other side
Rainbows are visions
But only illusions
And rainbows have nothing to hide
So we've been told and some choose to Believe it
I know they're wrong wait and see

Someday we'll find it
The Rainbow Connection
The lovers, the dreamers and me

Who said that every wish
Would be heard and answered
When wished on the morning star
Somebody thought of that
And someone believed it
And look what it's done so far
What's so amazing
That keeps us star gazing
What do we think we might see

Someday we'll find it
That Rainbow Connection
The lovers, the dreamers and me

all of us under its spell we know that it's probably magic.

Have you been half asleep
And have you heard voices
I've heard them calling my name
Is this the sweet sound
That calls the young sailors
The voice might be one and the same
I've heard it too many times to ignore it
it's something that I'm supposed to be

Someday we'll find it
The Rainbow Connection
The lovers, the dreamers and me

Top of the mornin to ya...

2005-03-17T12:48:00.000-08:00

Hehehehee.....I said "Top"

ANYWAY...

It's St. Patrick's Day...My name sake day, and I have no plans with anyone. I am going to
TURN IT OUT TONIGHT!

Tommorow is my act of sale on the house. YES, it got pushed up! I'm so happy about this. I took the day off so that I can go renew my license, and run errands to prep for the 6:00 closing.

Now going forward I will have no bills, except for the usual Rent/Insurance/Phone.Cable.Internet/Electricity/ and Cell Phone.

I am for the first time in my life financially free. I'll have a few thousand in the bank, and quite a few hundred left over monthly. I will no longer have to worry about "making ends meet"

I intend also to enjoy this freedom, I will start some travel soon. (Yes Timothy, I will come see you, WHEN IT'S WARMER so tell your regular husband).

OK SO! Now Im cute and have money! Working on the tan and the body!
Anyone want to apply now? LOL

Come out and celebrate with me tonight! I intend on truly just letting go tonight. I want to have fun and breathe a sigh of relief for the 5 months of double payments and stress...also of course to celebrate my namesake.

I'll close with 2 quotes by the same author

A man who loses his money gains, at the least, experience, and sometimes, something better.
G.B Shaw

Some men see things as they are and ask why. Others dream things that never were and ask why not.
G.B Shaw

...and that's the way it is

RSVP

2005-03-16T12:35:00.000-08:00

Well I got a response...

Much of it was what I was expecting to hear, some of it clarified my wonderings...but I am just setting myself up. I dont know what to do.

Some excerpts:

I do have feelings for you. I still want to spend time with you. I still want to see you, but probably not at the level you are wanting right now.

I do not want you to be a rebound, and I do not want to hurt you more than I am hurting you right now. I care about you, adore you, and respect you way too much. So... it's up to you if you want to spend time together sometime.

I just feel pulled in many different directions right now and am sorting my life out. I am the happiest I've been in a long time, and I'm just happy to be single for a while. I need to find myself again before I can give myself to someone else 100%.

I totally repect what he is going through, as you read in a previous post. I still want to see him. But I am not getting that attention in return.

As you can see, I sort of have a hidden answer in that letter... "I'm just happy to be single for a while"

I figured I'd write that in bold to drive that point home to myself. So here I am, pouring what confused emotions I have here on this page.

I have certainly tried to expand my dating base, but I always seem to be the one in pursuit. I have met some great people recently, all who want to be friends. Now this is truley a nice thing, but you know what... (and this will sound awful) I have enough friends, I do not need to go look for more. I want that 1 special person.

I want to be chased damn it... It never happens :-(

somebody call me... lets hang out and talk about bois, and how they suck

and that's the way it is...

Random Weekend Quotes...

2005-03-14T10:00:00.000-08:00

"Make Momma Stink"

"OMG That's huge... His name is Big Dick Rick?"

"Snip the Clit"

"Are you in town for the Ugly Convention?"

"I feel like chicken tonight..chicken tonight"

"33? What do you do, besides collect Social Security?"

and last but certainly not least...

"Why are you playing Hard to Get, when he doesn't even know you are playing?"

Mail to Male

2005-03-11T13:39:00.000-08:00

Well I broke down and did what I said I wouldn't do...

I figured I'd share with all of you...

any advice?

This is a hard email for me to write. I have been avoiding it. I guess because I already know the out come of this.

I had hoped to hear from you, as I have left at least 2 messages that I can remember.

I know that you are going through a lot(Work/School/Ex/Friends/New Life), and I respect that. I hoped that you'd still continue an open dialouge about things going on with you. I want to be there for you, but cannot if I am not included. Yes, I have feelings for you, but I know you are not ready for anything just yet. My timing once again (although it seemed right) was bad, and I still don't seem to succeed in my pursuit. I don't know if you got scared because you had feelings for me, or maybe not. I don't know.

I guess maybe I look like an ass, or just rambling...but I am here typing away at random and have paused many times because I dont know what to say. I have layed in bed more than once in the past 2weeks wondering what to do, as I am not very good at this.

Maybe "sorry" is on order... Maybe it seemed I was pushing you, but I truly was not trying to.
I really worked on keeping my feelings to myself and not burden you with that.I guess someone will have the right timing with you, and have the wonderful opportunity to be your "other half" , and for that I must admit I am already jealous.

I figured I'd write so you know how I feel, and may be help you in what ever is going on, or what you are thinking.

You are an amazing person, and I just wish my timing was better.

As my email states... Best of Luck... I do hope you find your happiness.

With Deepest Sincerity,

Patrick

OK Last time I take Preston's Advice!

2005-03-10T16:53:00.000-08:00

Thanks a lot...
I feel greaaaatttt now :-(

Stan, stan, stan. No one wants you
around, but you always seem to touch a heart or
two by the end of the day. BUT HEY! Don't get
too happy, I'm still pissed at
you!!!!

Which Golden Girl Are You?
brought to you by

Spare Time is Dangerous

2005-03-10T16:52:00.000-08:00

I love me some Quizilla...
It passes the time...
Thought I'd share

You like the prince charming type.

What kind of guy are you most attracted to? (CUTE anime pics)
brought to you by can%20be%20somewhat%20of%20a%20showoff.%20yet,%20his%20looksare%20good.,%20but%20his%20personality%20is%20an%20iffy,%20lookinto%20him%20more%20b4%20you%20go%20out%20with%20him.

Back to the Drawing Board

2005-03-09T13:51:00.000-08:00

Well you can figure it all out by the title...

No calls no nothing... I hate this :-(

Aint it the Truth!

2005-03-09T09:39:00.000-08:00

What John Mayer Song Are You?

You are "Love Song For No One"! You are
in desperate need of a hug. Love doesn't seem
to be happening for you, and you are beginning
to wonder if you let 'the one' pass you by
without even knowing it. Don't despair...if you
are meant to be together, you will be. The
world works in mysterious ways. Keep your chin
up. :)

What John Mayer Song Are You?
brought to you by

Going Going GONE

2005-03-04T09:35:00.000-08:00

YAY...
The house is under contract and the Act of Sale is scheduled for April 15, 2005.I got just under what I thought I'd get for it.

I Love a Huge wad of cash in my account. (hehehh I said "wad")

So look out people, I have no bills, no credit cards, a new BMW on the way, and lots of $ left over monthly in addition to the "wad" in my savings... (hehehe I said Wad again)

Momma gonna travel....

I hope it's with "hottie"

Keep your fingers crossed

XOXOXOX

That's the way it is...

I'm Holding out for a Hero...

2005-03-04T09:25:00.000-08:00

Well for those that follow my blog, I will give an update as to what is going on in my personal life.

A few years ago I met this guy (online mind you) that I had an interest in. We chatted numerous times, and discussed meeting up to see where things could lead. We never made it to that point, because he usually met someone (in person) and wound up dating them (all LTR).

Well a year ago I finally got to meet him in person (and can I say CUTE!) but alas, he was with his BF. We chatted very briefly, and I never really saw him again, except for an occasional online chat.

Well, a few days before Mardi Gras, I ran into him at the bar. I said hello, and he smiled with his amazing smile, and I just melted. I had to stay and talk to him a few minutes. I figured it was my one chance to do this in person, as he was probably still with the BF.

COME TO FIND OUT, he was now single. The BF now referred to as EXBF going forward, had just walked out on him, no explanation...just left.

I mean WTF what an ass! I felt so bad for my guy (now referred to as Hottie henceforth).

I felt so bad for Hottie, he was crushed about his loss, yet very strong at the same time. He was moving on.

Now, I know what you are thinking... this is not a time for me to move in. I KNOW THIS. I did however look at it, as an opportunity to get to know him. I wanted to be there for him. Something inside me drew me to that conclusion. I wanted to be there for him, at least be a shoulder to lean on.

I made him promise me that he would email the next day, and that we would stay in better contact. Well that night he did e mail me just 2 hours later. We exchanged numbers, and decided that we would indeed liketo hang out, and stay in better contact. This certainly happened. He had to move out of the apartment he was in with the EXBF. So, I said I would come help, after I taught my Saturday morning class, I would be glad to help, and that I did. I met him there with his friend, and we got a lot of his belongings out of the place. He was down about it all, and I could tell. I offered to pay for lunch for all, I wanted him not to worry about anything. Now ok...it was Raising Canes...because it was close enough for us all to walk (and talk)... but it seemed appreciated. We just kept talking about so many things, and I was entranced by Hottie.

He has these gorgeous eyes, and this smile that is to die for, and for 1 time in my life, I felt as important as I felt he was. You guys know Im a huge dork, I cut up and laugh and joke, and he seemed to adore every minute. I felt appreciated. ( My heart races as I type that)

We spent most of that weekend together, and an amazing Valentines Day. The BEST I ever had. I cooked us dinner, and we relaxed and talked for the longest time. I explained I was trying to respect his situation, and that he wasn't ready to jump into anything, but we also BOTH admitted that we both have these strong feelings for each other. We have continued to see each other regularly, except for last weekend, when we made "semi-plans", but I didn't hear from him. I called numerous times, yet no response. I was greatly worried our "confessions" made him pull back a bit.

...BUT, I did get an email explaining he was sorry for being sketchy over the weekend, that he got in a funk, and needed time for himself, that I did nothing and it wasn't my fault... "I adore you" & "I miss you"

Phew!

He started his new job (on top of his classes at UNO... don't worry, he is 24) so he is UBER busy. We have attempted plans of seeing each other, but time has gotten in the way. I did finally see him this past Wednesday evening after he got off work. I was so glad to see him. I do however feel he may be pulling back a bit due to his decision to "not date so soon" despite his feelings for me. WHICH SUCKS!

I understand it, but it still sucks. I find someone I have talked with for YEARS... tried to see what would happen for YEARS...finally meet...and realize there probably is something there.. but I Can't do it because "this asshole I was just dating walked out on me and destroyed my life, so I made a decision not to date."

I'm trying to be a friend, because that is important, but knowing there is more is heartbreaking as well as trying. I care for him so much, and I find myself thinking of him so much. I know it's probably not the best thing for me, but I have valid feelings for Hottie, and I cannot ignore them. I am not the type of person who can wait around and be "the friend" when I have such strong feelings for someone. It kills me. I did it in the past and have been hurt badly. (They met someone and decided to break the rule) I only wind up getting hurt, and hating the person in the process. I do not want that. I have cleared all of that out of my life, nor do I want to be in the position that I could ever hate him. I adore him, and hope that he still does me and wants to move on... TOGETHER.

That's the way it is...

He loves me He loves me not...

2005-03-01T15:40:00.000-08:00

Uhhhggg... I wish I knew what was going on....

I am all about him... but trying to be supportive and not pressure...

The waiting is difficult.

I'll explain later...

THAT'S the way it is...

Surgery Run-Amuck (not for the weak of stomach)

2005-02-14T11:30:00.000-08:00

OK I apologize for not having updated, but it has been an INTENSE few weeks.

I went in on the 19th of January for my surgery. Arrived at 5:30 am went to surgery late at 9:30 am.

OK YES it was VERY painful. I woke up after and felt like I had been broadside by a Greyhound bus. Swallowing was awful, and I was so loopy from all the drugs in me. I threw up blood later in the afternoon, which made my father very ill and his pressure drop. This then sent him down to the ER where they had to run tests to see if his heart was acting up again. Of course I have to be upstaged!

I returned to my parents house later that evening about 7:00. For the next 4 days I was on liquids and jello and Ensure and Slim Fast...well you get the idea (NOTHING solid). I was feeling well enough on Monday to return back to my apartment. I was starting to go stir crazy at my parents, having no cable or computer to pass the time, and I can only handle so much QVC (MYRNA). I convinced them to bring me home and leave my car at their house. I was so glad to be back home, and at least communicate online a bit. I began to post my blog entry later that afternoon when the back of my throat felt strange. Now for those of you who can remember a surgery like this, a membrane forms on the back of the throat, and eventually falls off when you are healed to a certain extent. This usually occurs 7 days after surgery. Well... Mine came off on Monday night after I got home. Now I spoke with a friend of mine online who said "don't panic", you see, I was bleeding a bit and was very concerned. I was assured a lil bleeding occurs and it should stop soon. "Go lay up in bed and rest and I'd be ok" was the advice. Now normally this is good advice, but an hour after I layed down, I awoke not able to breathe and tasting lots of blood and feeling VERY sick. I got up and immediately ran to the bathroom where I threw up so much blood, I could have re-created the scene in "Carrie". I got on the phone and called my parents to come get me, and to call the Dr.

My Dr. called me back about 10 mins later, and said chew on some ice, it will stop the bleeding, I should be fine, It's very common. So I did, and waited for my Dad to come get me. Now keep in mind it is now 10:30 pm and I have been bleeding almost 2 hours at this point.

My Dad picked me up and we went to my parents house where at that point, the bleeding seemed to have stopped. I sat in my recliner, so that I would be upright, and started to fall asleep.

About an hour later I was feeling sick again, and threw up again an equal quantity of blood as before. Both times I also threw up a coagulated blob the size of a baseball. (blood jelly if you will). I had my Mom call the Dr. and said we are off to the ER this is NOT RIGHT!

We arrived at the ER and the DR. arrived within 30 minutes after I was placed in a room. He came in and said that he had to cautherize the bleeding area to stop the hemorrhaging and to avoid being placed under for another surgery. Well my parents had to walk out, they said they couldn't handle watching this.

He proceeded to try and deaden my mouth with a topical spray, which made me gag, numerous times. This all made me throw up more blood all over the ER room and myself, and the nurse. It was not a pretty sight. He was thrusting this "Electronic Meat Fork" down my throat and it hurt incredibly, as well as a vibrating sensation on my mouth and lips. The pain began to run up my ear, so he got a long syringe and shot me with a "local", right through where he had done surgery not 5 days before. This indeed killed the rest of the pain, and he was able to cautherize where the blood was pouring from.

They left me in the ER for a half hour so that they could watch me. I kept complaining that something was not right, and my heart and breathing were off. I was hooked up to the heart monitors and such, and monitored closely. I called a nurse in and stated that "I felt as if I was fainting, or more so being removed from my body", as I said this I began to go black, and the alarms went off in the ER. I heard the nurses and Dr. rush in and start talking as I kept fading, and going very cold. I heard them yell out about some shot which they put in my IV and that brought me back to a semi-awake level. I felt stronger now than I did after the ER procedure.

The Dr. then decided to send me to the observation floor and admit me to the hospital. I was in observation about 30 mins. when I felt very sick again and started throwing up buckets of blood. Within minutes, I was rushed down to the OR put under anesthesia and on the table again, so the hemmoraging could be stopped. Two hours later 2:00am-4:00 am, I was rolled out the OR and back to the observation floor. When I was pulled out of the anesthesia, I fell right back asleep out of pure exhaustion.

I awoke at 8:30 to find myself in the observation room, in the same gown from the ER. (ICKKKK Gross) My parents had been sent home at 4:00 and were told get rest and come back after, that I'd be out a while.

Well I woke in great pain again, and very groggy, BUT I felt so much better. I found that in the 2 hour surgery, They had to clean my breathing passage of all the blood, find the hemmorage, and pump my stomach of all the blood and fluids that had collected their . Also, I was "typed" for a transfusion, which luckily I did not have to endure.

My lips were killing me and I didn't know why. I was very raw, and in pain, but could not figure out why. When I finally looked in the mirror, I realised why. I had been burned severely by the cautherizing machine a.k.a. Electronic Meat Fork. I had burn marks on my lips inside and out, and they were swollen to almost an inch thick. When my Dr. finally came in to see me, he initially thought I had a cold sore, until he turned on the lights, to see the full extent of the damage. The machine was faulty in the ER and had to be removed. To which he immeadiately acted on.

So recap so far.. Surgery hemmorage ER (burned) and OR.

YES it was awful.

I was released on Wednesday so a total of a 3 day stay in the hospital for this 2nd go round.

I went to my parents for 2 days and returned to my house on Friday. I felt strong and was glad to be home. I even went to Barkus with friends on that Sunday, and took it easy, but had fun.

I actually went to work on Monday, and took things slow. I just had to be careful.

Ill post a Mardi Gras update soon, but it took me till the second weekend of Mardi Gras till I was fully ready to get into the swing of things.

BTW...today is Feb 14th, and the lips are still not healed, it will take some time, and I pray no scarring.

But that's the way it was....

Sorry it was so graphic, but it is what happened :-(

Oh and BTW Liquid Lortab ROCKS!

Uncut... till now!

2005-01-11T14:00:00.000-08:00

Ok ...First of all get your mind out the gutter from the title.

I just got back from the Dr. and my surgery is 7:30 am on Wednesday January 19th. I have to be at the Hospital at 5:30 am. Myrna and Ronnie (parents) will bring me to and from surgery. I will recover for a few days at their house in Metairie (gag). Hopefully it will just be a few days there. The surgeon has already informed me the standard recovery time is 2 weeks. WHAT???

Yes that's right 2 WEEKS!

I am actually pretty nervous about this. I have never been "put under" for a surgery. I have had surgeries in the past, but have always been awake. Somebody pass the Valium and Vodka!

I will also have to endure the constant presence of my parents. I know they mean well, but so many times, as parents normally do, drive me totally nuts! The house has no computer, and no cable.
HELLOOOOOO lets get with the program Mom and Dad!

I will not be able to speak for a number of days (NOT A WORD TIMOTHY!) I wont be able to IM or watch a day full of "While You Were Out or "Trading Spaces" hosted by my former dressing room mate Evan.) So I hope to spend just a few days there and get dropped off back in the Warehouse District so I can relax in my own space. I will recover into the Mardi Gras season, and that totally sucks, BUT at least it is before the 2nd weekend, which is the biggest part of the holiday.

Oh well, it's for my own good.

Bring on the Ice Cream...Chocolate preferably!

and that's the way it is...

As I promised myself...

2005-01-10T16:31:00.000-08:00

I will keep up this blog better.

I have been told its nice to see such a therapeutic outlet for me, and it totally has been. I read other bloggers posts, and have gotten to learn a lot about many different people, either that I know, or have wanted to know.

So with that said... mid-day update time...

My microwave blew up last night...ok ok exaggeration, but close to it. Blinking lights Sparks Smoke Char flying out... Close to a blow up! So...I went home for lunch and there is a note from the bldg. They are ordering a new microwave unit with fan and underlighting. Have I mentioned yet how much I love my new place?

I am probably going to venture out again tonight. If I have surgery this week for my tounsils, I will be out of commision a good while. So, Ill do my socializing while I can. I have no BF to take care of me, so it's gonna be a lonely recovery

Oh well... LOL... Im not really bummed out actually. I truly am in a good mood. Just sorta boppin along.

And the beat goes on...

2005-01-10T11:55:00.000-08:00

Well it's been a tough week. I have been very ill. I visited the doctor and was informed that my tounsils will have to be removed. I am truly not looking forward to that.

This Saturday, I had to teach class. We reviewed the story of "The King and I" by videotape and we discussed character development and technical features of the show. My kids love the show and are happy to be performing one of the production numbers for the review this year.

After class, I rested at my parents house due to the filming of the Dukes of hazard movie. I can assure you it's a total mindbog to wake up after being heavily medicated, look out your window and see the "General Lee" fly past your face. YEEEHAAWWWW! I returned to my place later in the evening and watched some TV and retired for the night.

Sunday, I was able to pull down all my Christmas decorations and get them all stored away. I pulled out all my Mardi Gras decorations (which is too many now because of the move) and got that situated. By Midafternoon I was feeling really good. I had accomplished a lot and was happy with my success. I did not want to be inside anymore as I had been all weekend. I decided to head out to the Pub for a low key non-beverage night. I sat at Lil Johns bar and got juice all evening. Watched videos, chatted a bit, got a napkin directly in the eye (PAIN!!! Thx John) and 1 or 2 loops around the place and returned home.

Uneventful, YES! but as the title explains... the beat goes on!

And that's the way it was...

Time to reflect... and move on

2005-01-05T12:00:00.000-08:00

2004 was not the greatest year for me as I said before.

It started amazingly. NY Eve into 2004 on the rooftop of The Ritz Carlton Hotel, and minutes before midnight I meet a great looking sweet guy. As I got to know him more, I wanted him to really be a part of my life.

We spent a lot of time together and things were great.

I was able to travel overseas for the first time, and watch my sister get married to a wonderful guy in London. What an amazing experience, and I hope to return there again.

My return to the states, and aforemetioned NY eve guy was still going nicely until Mardi Gras time when I realized I was led on and there was truly no way that we could be together... not even as friends. It was the start of a very big depression for me. ( I know this sounds like nothing, but it was part of a culmination of events, that just went bad).

I stayed home... did not socialize... stared at a computer screen for nights on end and chatted online. I did not want to be around anyone.

I did a few things I am not proud of, and most of this was out of self hate and depression. I found myself searching for answers, becoming very bitter and hateful, but at least I knew the truth about things. I got hurt quite a bit by dishonesty, and it prayed on me. It truly was my lowest point in my life.

I had decided I was going to leave New Orleans. Go anywhere but here. I started my apartment search, called my real estate agent, and started a series of interviews in NYC, none of which worked out.

In the meanwhile, I was asked to become involved in a new carnival parade orginazation, and I dove myself head first into that project. It will eventually happen and I think will be a great opportunity for many people here in the city.

I still had not gone out nor wanted to be around "the community"

I was at such a low point I posted the following post on to the "friendster" bulletin board, and I can tell you it was not easy.

To My "FRIENDS"

After much concideration and deliberation, I have come to the conclusion that I can no longer stay in New Orleans. I have recently been too hurt, lied to and utterly disrepected, that I no longer feel I should be in this city. It is a treatment that I don't expect or deserve.

It pains me at times to be "out" and see particular people, and know the deciept which lies within. I guess maybe I am too honest of a person, and that seems to haunt me. I accept what people tell me, and support them for what it is worth. For those of you who are my friends, and have treated me with that repspect, you are in my thoughts and prayers as I decide how to proceed with the next phase of my life. I had hoped at one point to settle here, and make something of this. I do have a wonderful job, a modest home, and many projects which I have started, and for that I am thankful. I do not know where I will be going, nor when. I feel it is something I need to do very soon.

I am considering going back to NYC, where I can be close to my sister and her new husband. Possibly, Houston/Dallas/Austin (I originally moved back to New Orleans to be near my family, in case of any emergency.) So those 3 are an option. I have even considered LA...and crazy enough London (Which I had the pleasure of experiencing in January). Either way, I hope that I can keep the true friendships that I have, and we will not lose touch.

If you are in any of those loactions, and can offer any help, or advise, it would be greatly appreciated. If I have friends there, it would be a pleasure to re-connect with old friends, and create new ones.

For those of you who know me well, this type of mail is certainly not typical of me to express. It is far beyond what people see of me as the "happy go lucky guy who makes everyone laugh." Unfortuantely... Once you have been kicked to the ground... and while you are down, you keep getting kicked , sometimes you just dont want to get up and I dont want to...at least not in New Orleans.

Anyway, I guess I want to make sure that those of you who I do consider friends...***who would be listed on my friends page*** (those of you who are not have been deleted)... I want you to know why I seem so distant, and why I might just disappear. Just remember we are under the same sky and the same stars, and if you look up we see the same future.

With Love
~Patrick

That post made it halfway around the world, and I got a call from my sister scared to death that I might do something stupid. I assured her I wouldn't and I'd be ok.

A few months later my "guardian angel" Timothy, flew in from Seattle to get me out my house and back into society. He was worried about me and wanted to see me. We went out that weekend and I even went to my first foam party. (IN MY BOXER BREIFS ) I might add. It was funny to get some attention. I didn't feel deserving.

I did venture out every now and then during the rest of the year, but not like I had before. I was ok with it, yet I knew I truly had to get out and socialize. I met a few people and got the same run around as before.

My roomate Rob moved out and Newbie Jacob moved in for about a month.

Then in October I had my fun (see Halloween) and tribulation ( See window drama)

The rest you can read in detail in prior posts.

So what now????

Well...

I am going to make 2005 a better year.

I feel that you reap what you sew.

I let many things get to me in the past 2 years. I guess because I find out the truths in things. But, I will not let anyone else's shortcomings or dishonesty affect me as it has in the past. I was "sewing" hate and pain and dishonesty, even though that was not the energy I was putting forth. I let those characteristics plant themselves and all I did was reap those benefits, which we all know lead nowhere.

I have to give myself more credit. I have never been one to look at myself and think wow NICE.

EVER!

But that is changing...

Im Hot and a Damn Good catch. I have good face and a good body and if no one wants to get to know me and/or be around me that is their loss. Someone will!

And i will not hold on to those feelings of anger and pain when I see some people. I will just kindly excuse myself and cut myself away from a bad situtaion. I have no need for that negativity.

This is my year, and I will make it what I want it to be. I am in a new place physically and emotionally.

Cheers to 2005!

This time around...

2005-01-05T11:00:00.000-08:00

Listening to Linda Eder....

That title above says it all.

Well, first off I must apologize for not updating in over a month... CAN YOU BELIEVE? A MONTH!

I have pretty much settled in my new place, and things are going well. I am very happy there. I think even more than I thought I would be. It is a beautiful place, and the location is SWEET!

I had an offer on the house that I accepted, but the purchaser failed in her loan attempts, so it’s back on the market. This really sucks, because I was so thrilled for it all to be over so soon. It's tough paying a house note and rent. I have enough money stored for another month, but I'll need to start looking for a second job in the meanwhile, to cover expenses. So, if anyone knows of a good part-time job after about 5:30 weekdays, I'd be greatly appreciative.

Well...After Thanksgiving, I got the rest of my furnishings moved in and started to throw out and unload. I gave a majority of my un-needed stuff to my sister and her husband. I figured they could use it in NYC.

As my parents prepared for Sis & Hubby's visit (a.k.a. Kerry & Faan.) and me trying to get settled as well, we were given the news that my brother Kevin is moving out of my parent’s house, moving to NYC and in with Kerry & Faan. It should be interesting to see how that pans out. Nonetheless, I am sure the donations from my house will now come in handy.

Work has been very hectic, and I have been super busy. We lost one person, so I had to pick up all the slack. I can tell you it has been tough during the holidays to keep up. So many people out of the office, yet the work does not slow down. There were a few days it was just me there, and I was ready to pull my hair out. I have to say that I handled it well under pressure, and accomplished what was needed. I did receive a nice bonus this year and was promised a nice raise. So things are looking better at the office.

Kerry and Faan arrived on December 19th and hit the ground running. Kerry has not been home in over a year, and this was Faan's first time in New Orleans. It was good to see them both.

The holidays were spent with family and friends, and for the first time in over a decade, our entire family was together. Parents/Siblings/Aunts/Uncles/Cousins... It was truly a joy.

To top it all off, as most of us here know already, it snowed on Christmas Day. We got our White Christmas on such an important occasion for our family. It is a day I will not soon forget. I reminded my Aunt, the last time it snowed like that, she was at our house just a few days before Christmas, and she and my cousin were stuck at our house. It became 1 big sleep over and we cut up while locked inside during the snow. It was just days before my very first trip to NYC. I was so excited to get there and go to a real Broadway show and see snow for the first time, although NOLA beat me to that, that year. Looking back, it's funny to know that since then, I have moved to NYC and back, my sister lives there with her new husband and now my brother is going to take a stab at the Big Apple. Knowing what we know now, huh?

I hosted a New Years Eve party, and enjoyed a "quarterless" evening. I had promised myself that this year will be different. I was NOT going to be in the THRONGS of drunkards in the French Quarter and be stuck tightly between people I hardly knew, all trying to get their tongue down someone’s throat for the sake of a New Years kiss. Instead I rang in the New Year with friends and champagne on my fabulous rooftop, and enjoyed a wonderful display of fireworks. After midnight we retreated downstairs where people said their goodbyes and went off 9into the night. I cleaned a bit and fell asleep in my cozy bed, curled up to my pillow. I was content. 2005 WILL BE different. (More to follow)...

January 1, 2005

Kerry Kevin & Faan decided to get moving early, so after New Years dinner at the parents house we all said our goodbyes (tear-filled parents) and they were on their way back to NYC in a moving truck with Kevin's belongings, and donations from my home.

It was a nice holiday. I must say I’m not sad to see 2004 leave us. It was not great by any means, but at least it was better than 2003 which I could not wait to be done.

Now on to better things for myself...

Quickie

2004-11-26T09:15:00.000-08:00

Been Moving "stuff" in little "runs" in my car since Wednesday afternoon.

Reconnecting with old friends....and old flames (NO not like that...talking)

Had makeshift Thanksgiving Day Dinner at my new place. Spent part of the day at Walmart NO LINES! Woo hoo!

Parents enjoyed Macy's parade...returning today... I pick them up at the airport.

Woke up late...cell phone alarm clock did not go off,...got a parking ticket (grrrrrr), cuz I was still at a meter at 8:16... Now at work. Yet, it is still a good day. :-)

And that's the way it STILL is... at what seems to 200mph!

Point of interest: My friend Timothy F. sent me a Thanksgiving Day card. Now, that seems like nothing to some people, but to me, I felt loved. I just feel it should be mentioned, because he deserves to be mentioned. He has always been there when I am at or about my lowest, no matter how far away he is, he has made a difference, and for that I thank him. 1432

Whoooosh

2004-11-23T12:25:00.000-08:00

Time has flown by.

Again, I apologize for the delay in updating. I have been preparing for my move to the warehouse district. I repaired quite a few flaws in my house and got it ready to be listed. It finally went "on the market" Friday, and the sign was posted on Monday afternoon. I know this is not the most opportune time to sell it with the holidays approaching, but nonetheless it is ready to be purchased. I'll be moving a lot of my "stuff" on Wednesday afternoon, Thanksgiving Day and Friday. The "Big Furniture" will be moved on Saturday, and I'll finally be finished with it all. Please say a prayer that this will all go smoothly and that my home will sell quickly.

My parents and my brother are in NYC to visit my sister and brother-in-law, and to see the Macy's Day Parade. For those of you who have not had the wonderfull opportunity to see this holiday parade, DO SO, it's something you will never forget.

With all this said, I am pretty down right now. I want someone in my life. I seem to meet some amazing people, but they always seem to migrate elsewhere. I can't help but think "What is wrong with me"... Yes I am asking that again. Maybe its unhealthy, hell I know it is...but it is a valid question for me, and something I feel so very deeply about. Sadly, I'm tearing up typing this entry. This is truly not easy for me. I seem to be running on "auto-pilot", and maybe that's the best thing for me to do. I gave up a while back on searching for that right person, and focused on meeting positive people. Yet I find that even the positive people I meet, seem to find what they want or need, and I'm sort of left behind as a chapter some sort of living novel.

I'm going to keep this brief, because I'm about ready to let the waterworks flow, and I can't do this at work. I'll end with this...

It's going to be Thanksgiving... Let us ALL be thankful for what we have, minding the fact that some of us in this world are not even fortunate to have a quarter of the opportunities that we as Americans have. Be thankful for your job, families, husbands, wives, girlfriends, boyfriends, partners etc. Be thankful that we are able to rise each day and experience something new. Just be thankful for your life. I am going to do the same. I may not be fortunate to have what many others have, but I am thankful for what I do have. One day hopefully I'll be able to share it with someone else, and for that I'll be thankful. Now, it's just a matter of accepting what I know as truth and not let anything else effect my beliefs.

Whirlwind...

2004-11-10T11:15:00.000-08:00

I apologize for not having updated in a while, but as you can probably gather from the title, it's been a busy week.

Last Thursday, I was chatting with a very good looking guy. As I learned more about him (Through his own blog I might add) I saw a depth and an understanding which I have so rarely found in New Orleans , especially that of a single good looking guy. He has a great insight into people, and his writing skills, are truly something to be admired. Most of what he does has meaning, down to a dinner party, or a tattoo. There is a thought behind it and a "labor of love" so to speak. These qualities make him all the more attractive to me.
I decided to ask him out, I figured I could not go on without having spent some time learning some more about him. I brought him to dinner at Mat & Naddie's, a wonderful restaurant at the edge of River Road along side the river. If I may quote from his blog "we sat outside under a cornflower blue sky flowing with cotton candy clouds." WOW, now how can you not at least be impressed with that imagery? He mentioned that color of the sky that night. After all, it was a breezy fall evening in New Orleans, and we had BOTH wanted to eat outdoors, and enjoy the beautiful weather that was bestowed upon the city (FINALLY)! We had a wonderful meal and great conversation. I got to learn a bit more about this guy, and I am looking forward to seeing where this could lead. He is extremely attractive, nice, and smart. I did get to see him again on Saturday evening, and we watched the Joy Luck Club. Now I will have to devote another post to that movie, it has great meaning for me. I keep smiling every time I think of the fact that he picked the movie. This guy, who has so impressed me, picked such an important movie in my life. Ok once again WOW!

The House (insert dramatic music here)
Well, I have not mentioned yet that Halloween night right before I left my house to enjoy the evening, I heard a crashing of glass in my home. I rushed to my dining room to find that a post had been hurdled through my front plate glass picture window. I sprinted to the front sidewalk to see if I could get a glimpse of the culprit. Unfortunately there was no one in sight. I called New Orleans finest and they asked if I saw anything, to which the officer responded "Oh well Guess you can chalk that up to a Halloween prank nothing we can do" DUH! Like I didn't realize that. I guess all that police training helped you figure out such a mysterious crime.

Oh well, I digress...
This was the last straw for me. I had been standing in front of that window not 2 minutes before hand. If I had been there at that time, I could have been seriously injured. So the next day I started weighing my options.

I have considered selling my house. It appraised at double its value last Oct. I could walk away with a great profit, and pay off all my bills, so that is a plus.

I also looked at the problems I have had to face while living there.

I was robbed twice, once in June of 2001 and once in July of 2002.

My neighbor (83 year old man...nice as can be) was attacked at 3:00pm in broad daylight by a man passing on a bicycle, while he was putting out his garbage. Mr. Moritz died from those injuries 2 days later. His attack and subsequent death was officially classified as a homicide. They have yet to catch the attacker to this day.

Last month, an off duty police officer in his personal vehicle was driving down my street (1 block away), another car passed in front of him stopped short, causing both cars to stop. The driver of the passing car, got out and opened fire at the off duty officer. The officer sped around him and was able to escape, although he was shot in the process.

And now the glass incident. Now keep in mind, I do not live in a bad neighborhood uptown. I'm on Valence Street near Napoleon and St. Charles Ave. The problem is the undesirables (Nice term) that must walk through my block, and cause misfortune for others.

So with all this said, I have decided to put my home up for sale. Now notice I said "home", not house. I took this house when it was a mess of a place, and transformed it into a home. A home filled with memories, laughter, tears, and moments that I can never replace. They live there now. It truly saddens me to leave it. I adore the house. It is perfect for me. But I feel my safety and sanity are worth much more. I must admit, being a single person, it has become increasingly difficult to maintain the entire property. There is grass that needs cutting, gardens to maintain, BBQ grill to be cleaned and maintained, interior to be cleaned, clothes and dishes to be washed...well you all know the drill. All of this on top of a full time job 8-5 M-F, and teaching twice a week at my dance school Mon. nights and Sat. mornings. All of this work leaves "No rest for the wicked" LOLOLOL.

I know that it is in my best interest to sell my home. Both personally, and financially. I have rented a loft apartment in The Rotunda in the Warehouse District, and there I will not have to worry about anything but cleaning clothes and dishes. No yard work, no maintenance nothing. I have access to a gym, which I need badly, and a rooftop pool and BBQ grills. In addition, I will have a gated entrance to the building (You must be "buzzed up") and high above any of the problems, that any bypasser on the street might want to inflict. Also, I will walk away with enough money to pay off any debts that I have and still have a great amount to put into savings. I will miss my home, a lot of labor has been put into it, and if the walls could only speak, I'm sure they would have a great number of stories they could tell. Even with my great attachment to it, I feel it is time to let go. This is going to become quite a growing experience for me, and I am actually filled with emotion as I type this entry. I still keep one thing in mind though, "it is for my own good". So if you see a small home for sale uptown, and it is emoting a great deal of "light and love" know that it was mine, and with it comes a whole set of dreams and happiness.

and that's the way it IS...

2004-11-03T14:46:00.000-08:00

Our Trio

Billy (FIRE) - Patrick (Fire & Ice) - Eddie (ICE)

Don't we look like comic book characters.
BTW all of this was handpainted...No airbrushing.
I think the effect was better this way.

2004-11-03T14:41:00.000-08:00

My Fire & Ice

I figured I'd post some pictures of what seemed to be our very successful night out as FIRE & ICE. We had a great time. Thank you to everyone for the compliments. Also, a HUGE thank you to our artist Edward R Cox. He took my ideas and ran with them and made that final product.
It was fun to watch peoples reactions. It was very difficult to recognize me, even friends of mine had to be told who I was. Hehehehehe. Enjoy the pics!

Final Countdown

2004-10-29T12:30:00.000-07:00

Well... Unfortunately, I lost my friend from LA participating in the Halloween Group.
He is having some troubles, and will not be able to join us.
At this point, I will be just glad to get there and have fun. The concept is ok even if we all go as "fire". I'd have preferred both Fire and Ice, but I don't want to do that if I don't have enough people to pull it off. I can return the temporary tattoo ink (Blue, Purple etc... for the ice) and get my money back, so that way we would not have spent as much. Oh well as the say in NOLA "C'est la vie"

I have had an opportunity lately to read some other blogs. I can catch up with what's going on with people, and it can be quite interesting. One in particular, is cute Brian, who used to work at the Pub. He writes so well, and is so smart. I was really impressed. Reading his daily thoughts and comments, just makes him that much more attractive.

I am completely attracted to intelligence and "nice". In my book, a person can have average looks, and still be the hottest thing on 2 feet if they are smart, nice, and attitude free. To me, there is nothing better.

I'm still in a good mood despite my roomate issue. I want to stay that way.

well with that all said...

that's the way it IS...

ok I tried....

2004-10-29T12:15:00.000-07:00

PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A ROOMATE...

I love it when people try and place their own guilt and shortcomings on you, as if it were YOU who is the "problem"

I'm way too strong for that, and deserve to be treated better.

Nuff said.

PLEASE!!!!!!!!!

2004-10-28T16:35:00.000-07:00

Bring me somebody with mutual feelings and interests
Bring me somebody with mutual feelings and interests
Bring me somebody with mutual feelings and interests
Bring me somebody with mutual feelings and interests
Bring me somebody with mutual feelings and interests
Bring me somebody with mutual feelings and interests...

"Join the Circus like you wanted to... when you were a Kid!"

2004-10-27T13:00:00.000-07:00

Well yesterday... Tuesday...

I went to help set up for the big party Saturday evening. There was a LOT to do, and I was there 13 hours! 9am to 10 pm. I was able to lend my theatre experience and technical knowledge to help things move a bit easier. I hope it made a difference.
The design this year is very very nice. It has that old vaudvillian/ side show/ circus atmosphere. This is certainly going to be a memorable evening.

Today... Wednesday...
I finalized our costume plans. I have the airbrush artist lined up, and have the 4th person ( I think). The "Fire and Ice" costume theme should work well for us. I hope it works for people looking at us as well ;-) ;-)

I am going to keep this brief today, I am pretty busy at work and trying to orchestrate the whole Halloween costume stuff...

I'm in a good mood and getting excited about this weekend. Hope to stay like this :-)

and that's the way it was...

Countdown to release...

2004-10-25T11:45:00.000-07:00

Friday
FLEW by. Before I knew it, it was over.

Saturday
I had to teach at my studio in the morning. I'm glad to be teaching. I have always enjoyed watching students acheive that final product. It is one of the most soulfullfilling opportunities a person can have. I had some trouble with my ADD student. Unfortunately, I had to get pretty hard on her in class, and after. I spoke to her mother later that evening, and we discussed a few options with her. I am hoping to overcome this hurdle with her in class. I love nothing nothing more, than to see a child overcome great boundaries and finish ahead.

After class I went to Wal mart (Harahan UHHGGG)... HEY! it was out near the studio.

I tried to get the oil changed and regular maintenance, but i almost had no oil in the pan, and they saw a leak at the bottom. It might be nothing but a gasket, but it's something I'll have to look into. Problem is they would not service the car. I bought some oil put it in the car, finished my shopping, and returned home. The head technician there informed me if I went and cleaned underneath and added oil, someone might be able to do the regular work on it, then they would find out if it is a gasket problem or a crack. Keep your fingers crossed for the best.

Went home napped in the afternoon. Got online a bit, and went to go meet someone I had been chatting with a while for drinks and dinner.

We had a nice evening, starting at Napoleon's Itch, and headed to Quarter Scene for dinner. I felt like i wasn't "slumming it" I didn't leave the bar smelling like smoke, and feeling dead tired, and dinner was really really good. The pecan encrusted catfish surprsied me, it was a perfect meal for the evening.

SUNDAY
I cleaned around inside the house, and started to pick up some of Jacob's (roomates) mess. I think I am going to have to set deadlines for things to be done. Like pick up boxes before the 31st... and sell extra sofa by 11/15/04... do it all or die sort of stuff.

I stayed in and made a great salad Sunday night. Watched some TV...yapped online a bit, and went to bed. Uhhg when I wake, it'll be Monday...grrrrrrr

Monday
I am in a good mood. I guess I got a lot accomplished. I need to so that I can enjoy Halloween in New Orleans! I like this time of year. The weather is good, and there is an enjoyable attitude throughout the city. I need the release of this coming weekend to just have fun. I am trying to get together all my halloween arrangments.... costumes/people/etc.
I have to teach Hip Hop tonight, but after that I'll raid some stores to find what we need to complete our costumes "Fire and Ice" WOO HOO... I can't wait to pull this off. I really think it's going to look HOT, even for ME!

well now you have been brought up to date!

...and that's the way it was

GRRR

2004-10-20T08:03:00.000-07:00

I just typed a new Blog entry, and poured my heart out and it lost cuz MICRO #$#%@^@ SOFT added this new Pop up CRAP that screws things up!

Im over it!

Im off to the funeral
(which you could have read about...but not now...thx to microsoft!)

Tea for Two but NONE for ME

2004-10-18T10:30:00.000-07:00

This should all be underscored with "No Man Left for Me" from The Will Rogers Follies. Cuz That's how I have been feeling. Thus the title on my Blog... Water, Water Everywhere and not a Drop to Drink.

Ok enough of the overly dramatic...

Saturday, was a clean up day around my house. The weather outside was beautiful, so I decided to take advantage of it,. I figured I'd work in the yard, and not feel so awful from doing such. My yard is in need of an overhaul . I "Gutted" a lot of stuff from flower beds (all overgrown with weeds and vines) and cut the lawn (7" High). Unfortunately, I have been too busy to keep up as I have wanted, but I am now going to make a true effort to do better.

I did not get started till about 2:00 due to the fact I had ventured out on Friday evening. ( see prior post) I felt pretty good about my accomplishments, and decided to quit where I was and shower and throw a steak on the BBQ.

I slipped into some PJ pants, opened all the windows, put my hall fan on, and enjoyed the wonderful "free weather" we are having here. I chatted online a bit and crashed early so that I could get up and work around the house some more, starting early Sunday.

SUNDAY... Yawn, Stretch

WOW, another beautiful day. I slip outside at about 9:30 and begin on my yardwork some more. I am thinking of friends and loved ones. As I do this...I am wanting to throw some sort of fall BBQ outside on the brick deck. My last party here was a HUGE hit, but it was 3 years ago. So I think I want to throw 1 together soon.

Strangely, out of the blue, I think of my dear friend Kathy Reiss. I know her father has been very ill, and the family wasn't expecting him to live much longer. For some innate reason, I felt he had passed, and that I'd be getting a phone call soon. Within the hour, that call came. He had passed away at 10:00 that morning. My heart goes out to Kathy and her family. I know it's something that is most people's greatest fear... losing a parent. I cannot even imagine how I will feel when that day comes. It is a day I completely fear, and hope is far, far away.

I continue to complete my yard work, and pick up all that mess. I am pretty pleased with my accomplishment, and I set inside to shower and nap. I plan on celebrating by going to "tea" at Le Pub (Thx M@).

TEA for TWO

Well, I showered napped and got myself together and went out to Tea. I actually found a decent parking space ( 1.5 blocks away) and headed out to the infamous corner of St Ann and Bourbon.

I could here Becky Allen from inside OZ... "O-69" "ahhhhhhh...ohhhhhh...yeah baby" so of course I peaked my head in to see how crowded it was and continued on to "Le Pub" I went right to Lil John's bar said hello, and greeted a number of people I know, ALL COUPLES ... OF COURSE! It seems it's TEA for TWO everywhere. Everybody I run into is in relationship these days. This is starting to get on my nerves, cuz I want one. The New Orleans dating pool leaves a lot to be desired, but damn, why should it be that difficult. I order a madras, and decide to "loop around." It is pretty festive out, and the weather is still beautiful. I run into the sister of an old friend from my baseball days. She recognized me first, and we proceeded to talk a bit. She kept asking me "where my man was" ... LOL I WISH!... of course I responded with "I have no man, baby"... all she could keep saying was "why???"... "look at you".."why not." Now, I have heard this many times. I guess it is flattering, but I doesn't help me really.

Anyway... I digress

I met a nice couple from North Carolina that just bought a small condo here as a second home. They have been together 9 years, and loved NOLA so much they needed to have a place here. We chatted a bit, exchanged numbers, and I continued on my way. I ran into more friends of mine yet another COUPLE, and we discussed Halloween plans.

I spot another couple (which I am not fond of) Ugly hairy sketchy leather Dr. and his Bottom Boyfriend du jour. He tries to talk to me, "Hay buddy" but I completely ignore him. The same way he did when he felt he was too good to talk to me when he had "stunning drop dead gorgeous money grubbing hot muscle boi" ...Uhhhg I hate attitudes. ( Let me tell you how I really feel!)

I hang out a bit more and return home and hit the sack. It's an early rise on a Monday morning at 6:00 a.m. Especially since I have to teach Hip Hop Class tonight at my studio. Uhhhgg, It never ends!

and that's the way it was!

2nd Day of Life in Blogdom

2004-10-16T13:45:00.000-07:00

Well.... It's day 2 and here I am.

I decided to go out AGAIN last night, so I could (as I say) spread my scent, it was an ok evening. When I arrived I saw my brother and some common friends standing outside the pub. I was talking to them when Pub Manager extrordinaire (Jonathan) passed by and whisked us all away like VIPs through the front door. Woo Hoo more liquor money.

I went to go see if LIL John (Robichaux) was working, and to go see Lawrence, and tell him of my blogday. I decided to order a drink and got one of Lawrence's "Let me knock you on your ass Long Island Ice Teas" which really did the job. (I had only eaten 2 chicken breasts, so it went right to the old knocker.) I think part of the reason it was so strong, is that he and I both spied this amazing young ...hmmm shall I say ADONIS... so as the aforementioned Adonis passed, Lawrence just kept pouring and pouring the strong stuff, not paying attention to the quantity of his mix. Lets just say first taste... NUMB !

Anyway... I did my usual circle around the bar, and my socializing. I guess I was hoping to see "James" hottie of last night, but alas, I was not blessed with his presence. I went upstairs and ran into LIL John (off the clock) and hung out with Bartender Matt.

Ok SUBJECT = Matt... this guy is so sweet. I never really got a chance to talk to him till last night. He looks amazing. I told him.." I dunno how you will take this, but it is meant to be a compliment. I dunno what you are doing, but you look amazing, keep it up"... I have seen him around the bar for a long time now, and I always thought he looked cute, but I don't know what it is but the guy keeps getting better looking. Hell, I wish I had that gene. So we chatted a while, and he was pointing out people for me. Nice gesture, but most of the guys he chose I knew, and either had no interest in, or vice versa. He never once pointed to himself. (Crush smashed in the ground.) Oh well!

I went out to the balcony, got me some air, and headed downstairs. I stayed a bit longer, chatted with some people I knew and returned home. Another exciting night in New Orleans.

As I am writing this, I am chatting on the ever so popular Gay.com. I was just chatting to this really cute guy, who had a great line. I felt I should share it. Here goes...

Men are like parking spaces, all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped!

Preach it!

and that's the way it was!

I'm so nervous...It's my first time.

2004-10-15T20:30:00.000-07:00

Well, I have been contemplating all day what I should write as my very first posting on here.

A Rant? A Rave?

Well to begin with I'll just start by summarizing the past 24 hours. It seems to be a trend.

Yesterday after work, I came home and HAD to take a nap. (For those of you who don't know me that well, its a common event... I nap a lot) Anyway...

I had intended on coming home, changing and proceeding to Bingo at OOOZ, but my body decided it wasn't going to be one of my hour long disco naps, but a long 3.5 hour, let me screw up Patrick's evening, Rest Session... But I digress.

I awoke, and washed some laundry (exciting stuff eh kids?) and ate some leftovers. I was disappointed that I didn't get to Bingo. It has been a while since I have gone, and I needed Bianca's (aka Roy...aka My sisters prom date...LONG STORY KIDS) sharp whitted tongue.

So I keep trying to get myself "out there" again. It's been a tough year for me. I allowed a very bad depression get the best of me, and now I'm slowly starting to come around again and pick up the pieces. I figured, Why let my napping habits allow myself to be my excuse for not being social? (That is what my normal self-excuse is.. "ah... I napped it's too late, nah I'll stay in.")

SO.... I forced myself into the shower, got dressed and headed out to The Pub. I actually for once thought I looked cute, despite the fact I went for the (as I call it) "Cookie Cutter Look" ( you know the look... Polo shirt, leather watch some sort of wrist band halfway up the arm, faux hawk...yada yada yada...)

The weather was beautiful out, so I figured it would be somewhat busy, but for some odd reason it wasn't. I mean, it was OK, but nothing special by any means. I was there for 5 minutes and I ran into Lawrence at his bar. He then proceeded to bash me as to why I read Matt Perry's Blog and not his. I then informed him that he never provided me with his Blog Site Link and that I'd be happy to read his as well, so he wrote down his link, and gave it to me. So you can blame him as to why you have to read my mutterings, when you have nothing else better to do. He and Matty were my influence. (I'm so easily persuaded)

So anyway, I head back and forth for a while between The Pub and Oz, hoping that something interesting will happen. Needless to say NOTHING! Not a thing.

Then DREAMY Alex walks in Oz. This guy is so sweet. I love to see him. He is one of the hottest guys in New Orleans, but never once has he given me an attitude of the typical New Orleans pretty muscle boi. ( you know the type... I'm too pretty... I'm an A-Lister... I'm so hot how DARE you look at me). So he and I got to chat a bit, and make our observations of the clientele.

We both questioned ourselves..."Why are we here again?" and eventually parted ways.

I headed back over to The Pub, and decided I'd do a loop upstairs. Oz had just started the Calendar Boy Contest (YAWN), and I wanted to see what was at The Parade. Unfortunately, the same sort of contest was happening there... The Student Body Contest (YAWN AGAIN)

As I was about to leave, I noticed a cute guy that I noticed on and off throughout the evening, he looked sort of familiar, but I wasn't sure where I knew him from.

He came over and introduced himself, and said he thought I looked very familiar too. His name was James, and he worked for some hospital here. He was a lot of fun and pretty cute. He hung out with me a bit and we chatted as the contest moved ahead at a snail's pace. He excused himself and went to go meet some friends, and promised to return. About 5 minutes later he was right back next to me flirting and joking as before. He was a bit intoxicated, but I excused it. I mean after all he was cute... single... fun...single...showing interest...single ( see a pattern here kids?)
He then proceeded to go to the restroom, and that was the last sighting I had of him. He had been threatening to go home, but I had persuaded him to stay out a bit more and talk to me. I hope I see him again.

When I looked around and figured he wasn't returning, I decided to get back home and back to bed at my humble uptown abode. At least I returned home with a smile, cuz cute fun boi was flirting with me. I felt cute. (and that doesn't happen often).

Friday!
LONG DAY...Lots of last minute work for the firm. Marketing, Compliance, Operations... NUFF said. It was a tough day, and I was extremely busy. I did however take the time out to look up Lawrence's blog...Read Matty P's...and create my own (which you are now witnessing). Not too bad eh?

I feel so fresh on my Blogday. I have a whole new world ahead.

And that's the way it was...

:-)

October 15, 2004 My Blogday

2004-10-15T10:43:00.000-07:00

What a fun new world I was just born into...

What to say...What to say...

WAH! (Baby cry)...Hmmmm..
Not so much.

Ill deliberate, and begin to post a little later today.

Until then, I expect blogday wishes! :-)